scorpion_rulezz
New Member
The Jokes Thread
I am starting a new thread for the best of best jokes as you would know which i am familiar to (PlanetCricket
) ...Here please reply & you can contribute your stuff
[b:3e2v2o83]Home For All Eternity[/b:3e2v2o83]
Satan greets him : "Welcome Mr. Gates, we`ve been waiting for you.
This will be your home for all eternity. You`ve been selfish , greedy and a big liar all your life.
Now, since you`ve got me in a good mood, I`ll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you`ll be locked up forever.
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured.
He then takes him to a massive colloseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions.
Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table.
To Bill`s delight, he sees a PC in the corner.
Without hesitation, Bill says"I`ll take this option."
"Fine", says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room.
Satan locks the room after Bill.
As he truns around, he bumps into Lucifer.
"That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer :
"Why did you give him the best place of all!"
"That`s what everyone thinks" snickered Satan.
"The bottle has a hole in it!"
"What about the PC?"
"It`s got Windows 95!" laughed Satan.
"And it`s missing three keys,"
"Which three ? "
"Control,Alt and Delete."
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[b:3e2v2o83]10 Blondes 1 Brunette[/b:3e2v2o83]
Problem: There are 10 blondes and 1 brunette that were hanging onto a rope that was tied to an airplane. They know that one of them will have to let go because the weight of all 11 of them would tear the rope and they would all die, so they argue back and forth for a few minutes till finally the brunette says she will let go.
But first she explained why she was doing it and said good-bye to all the blondes, in an emoitional type of way.
All the blondes were so touched that they started clapping.
Problem solved.
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[b:3e2v2o83]Blonde watching the news[/b:3e2v2o83]
A blonde and brunette sit watching the 5 'o' clock news where a man is threatning to jump off a bridge.
the blonde says to the brunette i bet you ?100 that he doesn't jump the brunette replies ' ok i bet you ?100 that he does jump.
Sure enough the man jumped off of the bridge and killed himself.
the blonde gets out ?100 and gives it to the brunette.
The brunette says 'i can't take your money.'
'Why not replies the blonde?'
'Because i watched the 12 '0' clock news and he was on then so i knew that he was going to jump.'
The blonde replied 'i watched the 12 'o' clock news as well but i didn't think that he would jump again
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[b:3e2v2o83]ONE REASON NOT TO MESS WITH A KID[/b:3e2v2o83]
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reliterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
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[b:3e2v2o83]BLACK EYE[/b:3e2v2o83]
The naughty, Little Johnny comes home from catholic school with a black eye.
His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?" "
But Dad, it was not my fault.
We were all in church saying our prayers.
We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt.
I reached over and pulled it out.
That`s when she hit me!" "Johnny,"
the father said. "You don`t do those kind of things to women."
The very next day Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue.
Johnny`s father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!" "But Dad," Johnny said, "It was not my fault.
There we were in church saying our prayers.
We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt.
Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out.
Now I know she doesn`t like this, so I pushed it back in!"
****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************
I am starting a new thread for the best of best jokes as you would know which i am familiar to (PlanetCricket
[b:3e2v2o83]Home For All Eternity[/b:3e2v2o83]
Satan greets him : "Welcome Mr. Gates, we`ve been waiting for you.
This will be your home for all eternity. You`ve been selfish , greedy and a big liar all your life.
Now, since you`ve got me in a good mood, I`ll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you`ll be locked up forever.
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured.
He then takes him to a massive colloseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions.
Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table.
To Bill`s delight, he sees a PC in the corner.
Without hesitation, Bill says"I`ll take this option."
"Fine", says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room.
Satan locks the room after Bill.
As he truns around, he bumps into Lucifer.
"That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer :
"Why did you give him the best place of all!"
"That`s what everyone thinks" snickered Satan.
"The bottle has a hole in it!"
"What about the PC?"
"It`s got Windows 95!" laughed Satan.
"And it`s missing three keys,"
"Which three ? "
"Control,Alt and Delete."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
[b:3e2v2o83]10 Blondes 1 Brunette[/b:3e2v2o83]
Problem: There are 10 blondes and 1 brunette that were hanging onto a rope that was tied to an airplane. They know that one of them will have to let go because the weight of all 11 of them would tear the rope and they would all die, so they argue back and forth for a few minutes till finally the brunette says she will let go.
But first she explained why she was doing it and said good-bye to all the blondes, in an emoitional type of way.
All the blondes were so touched that they started clapping.
Problem solved.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
[b:3e2v2o83]Blonde watching the news[/b:3e2v2o83]
A blonde and brunette sit watching the 5 'o' clock news where a man is threatning to jump off a bridge.
the blonde says to the brunette i bet you ?100 that he doesn't jump the brunette replies ' ok i bet you ?100 that he does jump.
Sure enough the man jumped off of the bridge and killed himself.
the blonde gets out ?100 and gives it to the brunette.
The brunette says 'i can't take your money.'
'Why not replies the blonde?'
'Because i watched the 12 '0' clock news and he was on then so i knew that he was going to jump.'
The blonde replied 'i watched the 12 'o' clock news as well but i didn't think that he would jump again
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
[b:3e2v2o83]ONE REASON NOT TO MESS WITH A KID[/b:3e2v2o83]
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reliterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
[b:3e2v2o83]BLACK EYE[/b:3e2v2o83]
The naughty, Little Johnny comes home from catholic school with a black eye.
His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?" "
But Dad, it was not my fault.
We were all in church saying our prayers.
We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt.
I reached over and pulled it out.
That`s when she hit me!" "Johnny,"
the father said. "You don`t do those kind of things to women."
The very next day Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue.
Johnny`s father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!" "But Dad," Johnny said, "It was not my fault.
There we were in church saying our prayers.
We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt.
Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out.
Now I know she doesn`t like this, so I pushed it back in!"
****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************
