Diamond Joe solves your problems : The Mayor is IN!!!!

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Diamond Joe Quimby

Diamond Joe Quimby

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Diamond Joe solves your problems : The Mayor is IN!!!!

As YOUR mayor, Diamond Joe Quimby love EACH and EVERYONE of his constituents (especially the female ones ;) ). So whatever the problem is, enemies you would like to made "disappear", a wife or girlfriend who nags too much, incriminating photos that have captured you in compromising positions, a crappy team has got you down, just let me know and I will see what can be done.
 
Re: Diamond Joe solves your problems : The Mayor is IN!!!!

Quimby, I'm in a tad bit of trouble, my mother caught me beating the sausage two weeks ago and last night she caught me and a few mates beating off together.... She thinks I have a problem? What should I do.

signed, Embarrassed
 
Re: Diamond Joe solves your problems : The Mayor is IN!!!!

Armageddon*;150765 said:
Quimby, I'm in a tad bit of trouble, my mother caught me beating the sausage two weeks ago and last night she caught me and a few mates beating off together.... She thinks I have a problem? What should I do.

signed, Embarrassed
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Yeesh, way to kick it off. I thought I'd get something easier and here you are bowling a smokin' yorker. If you are playing Han Solo with your friends, Diamond Joe thinks YOU got the problem! What was it, some kind of circle jerk meetining? Alone it's fine, but when you bring the buddies in, it's got a weird connotation to it. None the less, your mother should understand that there is nothing wrong with masturbation. I would try and be more careful, and try to keep from whipping out the one eyed lizard with your friends.
 
Re: Diamond Joe solves your problems : The Mayor is IN!!!!

Diamond Joe Quimby;150837 said:
Yeesh, way to kick it off. I thought I'd get something easier and here you are bowling a smokin' yorker. If you are playing Han Solo with your friends, Diamond Joe thinks YOU got the problem! What was it, some kind of circle jerk meetining? Alone it's fine, but when you bring the buddies in, it's got a weird connotation to it. None the less, your mother should understand that there is nothing wrong with masturbation. I would try and be more careful, and try to keep from whipping out the one eyed lizard with your friends.
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:D

Quality start there Diamond Joe. Rep for you
 
Re: Diamond Joe solves your problems : The Mayor is IN!!!!

a 'friend' of mine passes gas and blames the pet bird- is that ok?
 
Re: Diamond Joe solves your problems : The Mayor is IN!!!!

BigJeff;151013 said:
a 'friend' of mine passes gas and blames the pet bird- is that ok?
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Your "friend" has a cynical sense of humor, when you consider the whole "canary in a coal mine" story, where miners would use a canary to detect gas leaks. I think one of Sting's first solo albums had a song that referenced this. Poor tweety never knew what hit'em. I never even thought if birds pass gas or not, never studied or read about their digestive systems. I would recommend getting a dog, at least then, blaming him is "passable". If it continues to be a problem, a supply of "Beano" should do the trick.
 
Re: Diamond Joe solves your problems : The Mayor is IN!!!!

i did say 'friend'. :D
 
Re: Diamond Joe solves your problems : The Mayor is IN!!!!

BigJeff;151887 said:
i did say 'friend'. :D
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:D still you and your mate's farting habits. No wonder nobody gets anywhere near you, they usually standing well and truly away from you covering their noses. :D
 
Re: Diamond Joe solves your problems : The Mayor is IN!!!!

Diamond Joe Quimby;150612 said:
As YOUR mayor, Diamond Joe Quimby love EACH and EVERYONE of his constituents (especially the female ones ;) ). So whatever the problem is, enemies you would like to made "disappear", a wife or girlfriend who nags too much, incriminating photos that have captured you in compromising positions, a crappy team has got you down, just let me know and I will see what can be done.
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What are you "en Brasileno" doing on a cricket board? How did you get into cricket in the first place? Are people in Brasil even aware of the existance of cricket? (Northern border near Amazon forest to Guyana notwithstanding. I wonder if even any civilised human beings live in that extreme North part of Brasil.)

And yes, each and every one of these questions is my "problem".
 
Re: Diamond Joe solves your problems : The Mayor is IN!!!!

Actually, I am American, working for a American/Brasilian Telecom. I found this site via BigSoccer, where I had been a poster for quite some time. I got into Cricket via a Pakistani friend back in the States. It was my first job and his family owned a Pakistani market/ restaurant. They would show cricket all day long. I guess I just got into it by watching.
 
Re: Diamond Joe solves your problems : The Mayor is IN!!!!

Thanks for the info. Wow, we've got some posters with very interesting background here.
 
Re: Diamond Joe solves your problems : The Mayor is IN!!!!

Here's a question for you Diamond Joe.

My team (Valencia) lost to the ultimate scumbags (Chelsea). I now want to shoot Roman Abromovich in the head, what do you prescribe ?
 
Re: Diamond Joe solves your problems : The Mayor is IN!!!!

Younginator;152941 said:
I now want to shoot Roman Abromovich in the head, what do you prescribe ?
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Ahem, I don't know. Maybe an Uzi? :confused:
 
Re: Diamond Joe solves your problems : The Mayor is IN!!!!

Younginator;152941 said:
Here's a question for you Diamond Joe.

My team (Valencia) lost to the ultimate scumbags (Chelsea). I now want to shoot Roman Abromovich in the head, what do you prescribe ?
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The answer to your problems is HERE
 
Re: Diamond Joe solves your problems : The Mayor is IN!!!!

Dear Joe:

This time of the year is the busiest in the sports calendar. I have to watch cricket, baseball, hockey playoffs, and soccer. Unfortunately it is also the time for final examinations in school.

Given there are only 24 hours in a day, and I have about 30 hours of "stuff" I need to get done, what are my options?

Thanks in advance.
 
Re: Diamond Joe solves your problems : The Mayor is IN!!!!

Wilbix;153114 said:
Dear Joe:

This time of the year is the busiest in the sports calendar. I have to watch cricket, baseball, hockey playoffs, and soccer. Unfortunately it is also the time for final examinations in school.

Given there are only 24 hours in a day, and I have about 30 hours of "stuff" I need to get done, what are my options?

Thanks in advance.
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Ya know, my father would always say "You have to put order in to your life". This can be summed up in one word PRIORITIES. Obviously your studies are (or should be) priority #1. Try picking one or two key events you really want to watch and let the others go for the time being. Perhaps you can tape or tivo others to watch when you have time. But give your studies top priority.
 
Re: Diamond Joe solves your problems : The Mayor is IN!!!!

Quality stuff Diamond, hope to see you stay around.

Here is my question.

I have an extreme Right Wing Austrian exchange student in my house. How do I stop myself from wanting to knock him out everytime he opens his mouth?

-Guru
 
Re: Diamond Joe solves your problems : The Mayor is IN!!!!

Guru™;153161 said:
How do I stop myself from wanting to knock him out everytime he opens his mouth?

-Guru
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Vote Labor.
 
Re: Diamond Joe solves your problems : The Mayor is IN!!!!

Guru™;153161 said:
...extreme Right Wing Austrian...
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:eek:

His last name isn't Hitler by any chance, is it? You may want to check if he is the Führer's great-grandson through some undisclosed lineage.
 
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