Jokes Thread
- Thread starter Zman
- Start date
IN RABBIT HEAVEN
A married couple who promised each other that who ever died first would come back to tell the other what heaven was like. It happened to be that the husband died first. And sure enough, one evening the wife heard the voice of her husband, and she asked him, so what was it like in heaven.
He began to describe, “Well, first I get up in the morning and have an organic salad, then I have sex, then I eat again, then in the afternoon I have more sex. Then I have another meal of natural food, and again have more sex in the evening before I go to sleep.”
The wife was quite surprised at this and asked, “So that is what it is like in heaven.”
The husband replied, “Who said anything about heaven? I’m a bunny rabbit in Kansas.”
A married couple who promised each other that who ever died first would come back to tell the other what heaven was like. It happened to be that the husband died first. And sure enough, one evening the wife heard the voice of her husband, and she asked him, so what was it like in heaven.
He began to describe, “Well, first I get up in the morning and have an organic salad, then I have sex, then I eat again, then in the afternoon I have more sex. Then I have another meal of natural food, and again have more sex in the evening before I go to sleep.”
The wife was quite surprised at this and asked, “So that is what it is like in heaven.”
The husband replied, “Who said anything about heaven? I’m a bunny rabbit in Kansas.”
MOST FAMOUS MAN WHO EVER LIVED
One day many years ago at a school in South London a teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give 20 pound to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived."
An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick."
The teacher said, "Sorry Alan, that's not correct."
Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew."
The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either.
Finally, a Indian boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ."
The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Jayant, come up here and I'll give you the 20 pound."
As the teacher was giving Jayant his money, she said, "You know Jayant, since you are Indian, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ."
Jayant replied, "Yes, in my heart I knew it was Lord Krishna, but business is business!"
One day many years ago at a school in South London a teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give 20 pound to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived."
An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick."
The teacher said, "Sorry Alan, that's not correct."
Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew."
The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either.
Finally, a Indian boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ."
The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Jayant, come up here and I'll give you the 20 pound."
As the teacher was giving Jayant his money, she said, "You know Jayant, since you are Indian, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ."
Jayant replied, "Yes, in my heart I knew it was Lord Krishna, but business is business!"
Last edited:
Sanjay was on his deathbed surrounded by his loving family, Kulvinder my son where are you, I'm here dad, replied Kulvinder, Gita my girl where are you, I'm here too dad, Saki my lovely wife where are you, I'm here too Sanjay with our kids right by your side, if my lovely family are here, replied Sanjay, then who's minding the shop!!!
THE SCIENTIST AND GOD
A scientist approaches God, and says to Him, "Look, God, we don't need you anymore. Nowadays, we can do all sorts of things that used to be considered miraculous. We can transplant organs, giving new life to a dying man, we can cure almost any disease, and we can even clone animals. It won't be long, and we'll be able to clone humans, too. So, I'm sorry, but you are just outdated".
God listens patiently to the scientist and says, "I can see that you believe you don't need me, and I understand. However, I love you, and I don't want to see you make a big mistake, so why don't we make sure? I say we should have a man-making contest, just to be sure."
The scientist replies, "I'll take that challenge".
So, God says, "Ok, let's do it the way I did it in the old days, with Adam and Eve".
The scientists says, "No problem", and reaches down to scoop up a handful of dirt.
"Whoa, hold on there a minute", God says. "You get your OWN dirt".
A scientist approaches God, and says to Him, "Look, God, we don't need you anymore. Nowadays, we can do all sorts of things that used to be considered miraculous. We can transplant organs, giving new life to a dying man, we can cure almost any disease, and we can even clone animals. It won't be long, and we'll be able to clone humans, too. So, I'm sorry, but you are just outdated".
God listens patiently to the scientist and says, "I can see that you believe you don't need me, and I understand. However, I love you, and I don't want to see you make a big mistake, so why don't we make sure? I say we should have a man-making contest, just to be sure."
The scientist replies, "I'll take that challenge".
So, God says, "Ok, let's do it the way I did it in the old days, with Adam and Eve".
The scientists says, "No problem", and reaches down to scoop up a handful of dirt.
"Whoa, hold on there a minute", God says. "You get your OWN dirt".
An Irish man buys a lottery ticket for a fiver and scoops the jackpot, he can't believe his luck, £100 million quid!! He rings Camelot to claim his prize, 'CONGRATULATIONS' shouts the call handler, 'do you want one lump sum or 5 million a month for the rest of your life',
The Irish man ponders for a minute, mind made up he replies 'well if you're gonna mess me around I'll just have my fiver back'!!
The Irish man ponders for a minute, mind made up he replies 'well if you're gonna mess me around I'll just have my fiver back'!!