Nightvision's Blog

Top Contributors
Re: Nightvision's Blog

I've had a level 2 (well maybe level 1), I knocked myself out by diving into a football post :embarrassed:.

Great blog as always!
 
Re: Nightvision's Blog

Brilliant blog - big old mammoth entries, more than mine, but at least you sound sane and it's really well written!

That sounds awful that weekend away and the way you've been treated by the captain of the team. I hope it works out well in the Saturday team and you get your chance to bowl and get some recognition as a wrist spinner - are there any other wrist spinners in the team already?
 
Re: Nightvision's Blog

Cheers guys, the kind words are appreciated!

Dave, there's one Leggie in the Saturday team already, but to be honest, he's not that hot - he over-flights the ball and doesn't get all that much turn, so tends to be expensive. To be honest, we don't really have any spinners in the Saturday team - quite a few good medium-slow pacers, but not really any proper spinners.
 
Re: Nightvision's Blog

Great blog, loving the way it's written and the quirky ideas!

:laugh: SIDS, great idea!! A guy in the club 1st XI had a Level 2 a couple of years back in football - he went for the ball and got absolutely belted in the crown jewels as the other player tried to clear it!!
 
Re: Nightvision's Blog

Nightvision said:
Cheers guys, the kind words are appreciated!

Dave, there's one Leggie in the Saturday team already, but to be honest, he's not that hot - he over-flights the ball and doesn't get all that much turn, so tends to be expensive. To be honest, we don't really have any spinners in the Saturday team - quite a few good medium-slow pacers, but not really any proper spinners.
Click to expand...

That sounds promising then, if you can get your practice in and develop a big leg break and a small leg break and a nice line and length you could well become an asset.
 
Re: Nightvision's Blog

In This Blog: Fast bowling versus exploding dogs, Horseradish sandwiches and what you can do to spot them, and 'dinosaurs stopped play'.

Good morrow fair reader, and welcome to another posting in my humble blog. Tomorrow we head out to Brooke CC for an away game. Brooke aren't a bad side, and to be honest are just about on a par with us. However, after the out and out hammering we got last week (bowled out for 50 against a much poorer team) I have to admit that I don't fancy their chances. There are a few bruised egos in the team after last week's debacle (not to mention a few dented averages), so I'm expecting the batsmen to wade in with a few big scores and hopefully prevent me from having to drag the team over the line to avoid our lowest ever total again.
I think I must be fairly rare as a Village Cricketer, as I don't see myself as an all-rounder. I freely acknowledge that I can't bat for toffee, with my average last season being a princely 4. From two innings this season, I can happily report that this has increased by 150% to 10 (6 against Nottingham and 4* last week.) - I'd be immensely surprised if my average remained in double figures throughout the season.
Anyway, in the long term I see myself as a bowler. At the moment I'm not qute ready to bowl in a Saturday game on a regular basis. I'm happy to turn my arm over for a couple of overs if we were really on top in a match, but right now I'm simply happy to improve my game rather than looking to be getting 10 overs week in, week out. In fact, getting 10 overs in over the course of the season would be fine by me. I'll probably get a few more chances to bowl in the midweek team, but that's the entire reason we set it up - a non-serious hit-and-giggle team where we decide the batting order by drawing names out of a hat so that everyone can get some experience. We were fully expecting to lose every game and have a right laugh doing so, but it turns out we've beaten both the Royal Mail and the Police teams so far, so it's going much better than anyone could have expected!
After a while though, you start to notice a trend in Village Cricket teams - although the names and faces are different, the players are always similar - there's usually a couple of old boys, a smattering of young batsmen, a few middle-aged medium-fast bowlers and so on. Allow me to take you on a guided tour of some of the characters you'll see in the team:

The 'Proper' All-Rounder:
This guy can really play. And I mean really. Usually bats at number 3/4 and opens the bowling, proceeding to hammer your bowlers out of the ground for 20 overs before taking the new ball and skittling half of your team in his first three overs. Should probably be playing about three levels higher than he is, but quite enjoys having the level of dominance he does, and his teammates certainly aren't complaining.

The First Change Bowler:
In his younger years, this guy could get that ball moving quicker than a nun's first curry. Now, as the mid forties approach, he acknowledges that he just isn't express pace any more and learns the art of swing. What results is your stock bowler in Village Cricket - he pitches the ball on or about off at about 70mph and occasionally getting it to swing away. He still has that fast bowler's temprament though, and has been known to murder fielders that drop even the most difficult chances off his bowling. Also goes an amusing shade of beetroot when he drops one short and gets clubbed into the car park.

The 'Old Hand':
Way back at the dawn of time, this fellow was a 'proper' all-rounder. Granted, he occasionally had to wait to bowl in between overs while a Brachiosaur finished munching on the outfield, but he was still lethal with both bat and ball. Unfortunately, Old Father Time has been busy on this character, and he can no longer wang the ball down at 85mph or slog-sweep some poor sap for six four times an over, but he's still a canny operator. Now bowls non-turning spin, but gets just as many wickets as the guy that turns it a mile. No-one knows quite why this is, as he doesn't seem to change flight, turn or pace, yet still manages to completely flummox top order batsmen. Even stranger is that tail-enders are somehow immune to his magic, and seem to score freely against him.
Stick a bat in his hand, and the old feller becomes a limpet. Almost never goes for a duck, but rarely scores more than 20. Also a ridiculously safe pair of hands in the slips. It must be all that brylcreem he still puts in his hair.

The Bowling Prodigy:
At 18 years old, half his team are probably wearing underpants older than he is, but that doesn't change the fact that he's quicker than a whippet with an a*se full of dynamite. Lethal in the field, but his bowling is the real reason he's in the team. The batsman watches in horror as the first ball whizzes past his nose, then just jams his bat down in time to prevent him losing a toe or two to the second-ball yorker. After that, it's trial by extreme speed for the first couple of overs. After that, he starts to tire a little bit and drops shorter and wider, and then the batsman (if he's still conscious and has all his teeth) gets his own back - for the next two overs he's driven, cut and pulled for four after four after four before the captain has mercy and decides to rest him for a bit. Thinks he can bat a bit, and looks the part but inevitably gets himself out trying to play at one that should have been knocked away. Will still moan next week that he's batting down the order though.

The Number Six:
As already discussed in an earlier blog, the Number Six is the hairy-knuckled slogging machine that wanders out to the middle to either destroy your bowler's confidence or put him on a hat-trick. Most teams have one, and a large proportion of these also bowl a bit. They're a bit hit and miss (much like their batting in that respect!), but on his day, a Number Six can chip in with some vital wickets.

The Opening Bat:
Wearing almost as much Brylcreem as the 'Old Hand', the Opening Batsman strides to the middle, confidently takes his guard and then proceeds to display (in extreme detail) his mastery of the forward defensive stroke. That's not all he does out there, though. He's also very good at leaving the ball. He calls it 'playing himself in' - the captain calls it #@!&%! stupid. Almost Boycottian in his desire to occupy the crease for as long as possible, he is eventually is run out by the number 4 on the instructions of the captain, as it's taken him 20 overs to amass 20 runs, and the batsman at the other end fell asleep twice during the last over.

Of course, every team is different, and there will be varying numbers of each in different teams, which will give each away game it's own unique flavour. For example, at a team which consists primarily of 'old hands', you can expect every sandwich to have Horseradish on it, and for the mid-innings drinks to be so weak they're practically water.
At a team with a lot of opening batsmen, expect every single wall in the changing room to have a large mirror on it, and I'd advise going to the toilet before you leave, as you're probably not going to get in there once you've arrived.

Anywho, that concludes this particular blog. Hopefully I'll have good news to tell you all in my next entry!

Jason
 
Re: Nightvision's Blog

I can put names and faces to the proper allrounder, old hand, bowling prodigy and opening bat in that list!!

Well written, funny blog as per usual. Keep up the great work!
 
Re: Nightvision's Blog

In This Blog:Embarrassing Wicket-taking celebrations, Mexican Fighting Scampi, and a new Fantasy Cricketer.

Good day, fair reader.
I'm in a pretty good mood today, as I've had quite a good cricketing week. First, in the Saturday game, we won. At one point we were 137-5 with 10 overs remaining, but we had a bit of a lower order collapse and finished with 153. I was last man out for 5, having earned the 'shot of the day' award with a quite simply beautiful (even if I do say so myself) Cover Drive for 4, then a thick edge for a single, before getting a short ball from a quick bowler (a bit harsh on a number 10 with only 2 overs left I thought) that caught the top edge of my attempted hook and second slip ran back and took an easy catch. 153 was definitely a chaseable score. In fact, it was probably a bit low.
Fortunately, it didn't matter, as we had them on 36 for 6 at one point, and despite some heroic lower order batting, they never truly recovered, eventually all out for a very creditable (considering the circumstances) 119 off 36 overs (40 over match).

Unfortunately, because our batsmen had failed to fire again, I didn't get a bowl, but I wasn't too disappointed - that's cricket, and I know I'll get my chance sooner or later - providing our batting lineup pulls their damn weight - bloody batsmen, you can't trust 'em!

Anyway, last night bought up my first midweek game of the season - I was given the choice at the start of the game - I could have 2 8-ball overs or I could open the batting. Being a practicing Leggie, I took the overs. We lost the toss and were put in to bowl. It was a 15-over game, and I got overs 11 and 13. I'm not generally a nervous person, but when I had the ball in my hand and marked out my run-up, I was nervous as hell. That's probably the reason I bowled absolute rubbish. Too short, a couple of dodgy wides and very little turn (In my defence, someone did later point out I was given the unenviable task of attempting to spin against the slope the pitch was on, hence the lack of movement off the seam). However, once I got my line right, the batsmen were heaving at it and missing by miles. Eventually one connected and scooped it straight to the bloke at short leg, who to my horror was a bit of a crap fielder - still, he kept his eye on the ball and crucially held on, and that was it - my maiden wicket! I was off - Monty Panesar had nothing on my utterly cringeworthy whooping and hollering as I charged the poor sod who had the misfortune to catch the ball and dived on him before being mobbed by a couple of other teammates who knew of my frustrations in trying to get a bowl. The batsman, for his part, looked utterly bemused. They were 88 for 6 when I 'struck', and he wasn't particularly dangerous, so for his simple miscuing of an attempted slap over the treeline to result in what was essentially an 8-man dogpile at short square leg must have been somewhat confusing.
There was a thread on here recently about wicket-taking celebrations, and I deliberately stayed away from it. I've never really had cause to celebrate any individual acheivement in sport. In Football/Hockey, I'm a goalkeeper, and as such, tend not to score all that many goals. The occasional particularly good save might get a wry smile, or a penalty save might get a fist pump, but in general, I've never really given it any thought. I wish I had done now, because charging full-sprint at the poor bloke who took the catch and screaming like a banshee while he does a very good impression of a rabbit trapped in the headlights of an 18-wheeler probably doesn't make the top ten of all-time cool celebrations.
In all honesty, I should have had a second about three balls later, when an off-break (I'd given up on leg-breaks on this pitch by then) pitched outside off, the batsman attempted an awkward defensive shot, and the ball squeaked millimetres over the leg bail. The rest of the spell was comparatively uneventful.
The bad news is, I’m now not going to be playing for a few weeks. A few weeks ago I injured my left thigh going for a quick single, but as we were having to defend a tiny total, went against my better nature and fielded on it – I suffered, and we lost anyway, but such is life. It felt better the next week, so I tried again, and it went again. I’m fine until I try and sprint on it and then it flares up quite badly. Anyway, I gave it another week, and completely rested it, but come Saturday, I went for a quick single and felt it go again.
So that’s it – What I thought might well have been a strain or something similar is starting to look like something a bit more long-term, so I’m going to do what I’m sure Liz Ward is screaming at the screen for me to do and completely rest it for 3-4 weeks. I’m gutted, as I’d just been starting to play well, but there will be plenty of games for me when I get back, and I don’t want to risk doing anything long-term, particularly as the football team we’ve just started is now starting to get off the ground – we only have one goalkeeper, so I need to make sure I’m fit!
Also of note this week, following my wicket-taking heroics in the midweek game, me and a couple of the guys decided to go and grab a meal at a local pub. They were just about to close for food, so I just ordered something simple – Scampi and Chips. Now I have a fairly strong stomach apart from a weakness for Curry, which causes me to emit almost bovine levels of noxious gases. I once ordered the ‘seafood platter’ from a Thai Restaurant I’d never been to before... when it turned up, there were things on it I’d never even seen before, and I know my whelks from my mussels, so to speak. Anyway, point is, I have a fairly iron gut. However, no sooner had I finished my meal than I started to receive some rather odd signals from my stomach. Not the bad “find a toilet NOW” signals, more “whatever you just ate was probably not for human consumption” signals. The growling and grumbling got louder and louder, to the point where Sam and Phil were taking bets on exactly what was going to burst out of my chest when it inevitably hatched. My conclusion was that the scampi were still alive and well in my stomach, and staging some kind of mass brawl. I’d just managed to eat an entire plateful of some kind of Mexican Fighting Scampi, and they were repaying me by having a rave in my small intestine.
And that delightful note on my digestive habits concludes this particular blog. Or it would if I didn’t have a new fantasy cricketer for you all... (yes, I know you’ve been waiting for a new one really!)
So far, we’ve got a spinner, an opening batsman, and an all-rounder. Of course, we also need a wicketkeeper, and fortunately enough, I’m hoping to solve that problem this week.


So far, we’ve got a spinner, an opening batsman, and an all-rounder. Of course, we also need a wicketkeeper, and fortunately enough, I’m hoping to solve that problem this week.

Fantasy Cricketer #4 – Peter Parker

Any wicketkeeper worth his salt these days needs to have lightning-fast reactions and be able to propel himself in any number of directions at a moment’s notice. That’s why our wickie is none other than the amazing Spiderman himself, Peter Parker. Thanks to his genetically enhanced super-powers, as far as reaction times and agility are concerned, there are none better. I’m guessing there probably wouldn’t be too many dropped catches behind the stumps either. Of course, the main benefit you’d get from having a superhero on the team is that you’ve got someone who can climb onto the pavilion roof to retrieve the ball after the opposition number six hammers your spinner into next week. You’d have to quite fancy old spidey to be a bit nifty with the bat as well – not a guaranteed century machine, but a great source of lower-order runs when you need them most, and because it’s fashionable, he could open for the one-day team as well.
All in all, Pete is a shoe-in as the wicketkeeper (although the MCC rulebook is unclear on the use of superpowers when fielding the ball – using his webbing to catch a ball 30 feet in the air just seems generally unfair to me...), and a safe number seven in the batting lineup.

1) James Bond (Left Hand Bat)
2)
3)
4)
5)
6) Jack Bauer (Right Hand Bat, Medium-Fast Right Arm)
7) Peter Parker (Right Hand Bat, Wicketkeeper)
8)
9)
10)
11) Gil Grissom (Left Hand Bat, Left Arm Spin)

That’s all from me, and I’ll try and get the next one out a little sooner!

Until next time,

Jason
 
Re: Nightvision's Blog

Congrats on the wicket!! Don't worry too much about the celebration, lol. Last year we had basically already lost the game before the half way point in their innings, so we just mucked around. Me and another guy did that soccer celebration where you tie the shoe, and there were some other shocking celebrations we did that day too, but it was all in good fun :)
 
Re: Nightvision's Blog

Hullo there peeps.

My apologies for my Lord Lucan-like disappearance recently. I've had a running battle with BT over connection issues when some dope cut through our phone line at home. Anyway, suffice to say I'm back for the time being, and you can look forward(?) to reading plenty more of my rubbish blogs in the future!
 
Re: Nightvision's Blog

I miss these :cry

How go the connection issues Jason? I will take any refusal to respond very much to heart .....
or as a signal that connection is still an issue. I haven't decided which yet. :p
 
Re: Nightvision's Blog

Hmmm, that took longer to resolve than I expected...

In all seriousness, it's been far too long since I stuck my head in here - all will be explained!

Those of you with exceptional memories, or the ability to read my previous posts may remember me mentioning having some issues with my left wrist. Shortly after my last post lamenting BT's customer services department, I took a tumble whilst stopping a hard cut shot in my usual fielding position at point. As I landed, I felt something 'go' in my wrist, and then the most horrendous stabbing pain and an inability to move my fingers. A quick trip to A&E later, and I was the proud owner of a badly broken left wrist.
It turns out that I had been playing both cricket and football (in goal, no less) with a couple of tiny hairline fractures in the wrist, and the stress of batting and goalkeeping had made them worse, then the tumble on the outfield had been the last straw.
That injury put me out for more or less the rest of the season. I came back for the last two games, and had a couple of good knocks lower down the order (16* and 15* at numbers 9 and 11 respectively) and then the season ended. My enthusiasm had been well and truly dented, and I really didn't want anything to do with cricket for a few months as I was so disappointed at not being able to play for almost an entire season.

However, with the recommencement of nets in anticipation of the new season, I'm raring to go again - my wrist is fine, my bowling is improving no end, and I've made huge strides with my batting as well.

To be honest, that's most of the stuff that's happened since my last post - my next one will hopefully be a return to the more 'off-the-wall' posts of the blog of old, but I figured you'd let me have this one semi-serious post. :p
 
Re: Nightvision's Blog

That's a bummer.

Lol. Welcome back. Hope everything is going well. What do you bowl?
 
Re: Nightvision's Blog

Thanks Jonesy. I'm a leggie for preference, but I also bowl off-spin if the situation warrants it. Looking forward to getting the new season going!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top