CMCA- Ommies to remain in top grade

[Merlot a good drop]

Re: CMCA- Ommies to remain in top grade

Army

Thanks for the PM I will reply when I work it out, but it is good to see the posters jumping out of trees just like the good old days.

Merlot

 

[Uncle Mick]

Re: CMCA- Ommies to remain in top grade

Uncle Mick,

You are very eloquent I can see why you lasted only the year at the foreign legion.

While I might have implied that you got paid as most recruits have I just wondered whether you suffered the same fate as a couple LPP players did when the money dried up in the second season and as they had severed ties with the old club it was impossible to go back.

Keep the good work up but it appears we have a bit of competition as the forum posters have jumped out of trees but I am sure you are having a bit of fun and is good to be back home?

Flattery will get you everywhere, Merlot. However, I still favour a good old 2003 Ainsworth & Snelson Shiraz to keep me warm at night. A very fine drop.

I'm assuming you're referring to the likes of B.Smith crossing from Le Page? Whilst I think it'd be safe to assume he was remunerated for his services initially, I think you'll find he found a soulmate in one M.Jenkin and whilst their sexual preference has been questioned at times, it's fairly safe assume their's was merely 2 people who have a lot in common and enjoy each other's company. So much so, that he joined Cheeks on his 'sabbatical', with the exception that sat the year out instead of a move to sub-district.

Uncle Mick the clayton's lefty you lured while Cheeks had a sabbatical running around in Moorabbin's twos seems a decent bloke and if he owes you money I am sure he will settle it.

I've offered to wash cars, do the dishes and clean the rooms on a Sunday, but it seems they'd prefer me to be forever indebted to the club. They've even gone to the extreme of putting the old man's name on the premiership photo.

 

[TheFieldingSpecialist]

Re: CMCA- Ommies to remain in top grade

"No, if anyone orders Merlot, I'm leaving. I am NOT drinking any f****** Merlot!"

 

[Sugar]

Re: CMCA- Ommies to remain in top grade

Merlot, thanks for the support, and please continue your contributions.

Like most organisations, we like to keep the content on our website relevant, informative and up to date. That may include updating information that may be passed on by the CMCA.

Things have certainly dropped off dramatically since Denis McKeegan decided to stand down from running the CMCA site. Knowing that our reader base extends beyond our own members, we are happy to fill the void until they get their act back together.

Popularity comes at a price however, and if that means copping a few digs on our guestbook, that's fine, as we all enjoy a laugh. However there comes a time when the fine line is crossed and we need to make the odd 'deletion'. We will be making some upgrades on our website during the off-season, so hopefully we may even win over some of the remaining sceptics.

As for YouTube, Phil & I have been a bit slack in recent weeks due to conflicting schedules, however we will be back in time to provide our input for the finals... stay tuned.

 

[The Mentalist]

Re: CMCA- Ommies to remain in top grade

Merlot, thanks for the support, and please continue your contributions.

Like most organisations, we like to keep the content on our website relevant, informative and up to date. That may include updating information that may be passed on by the CMCA.

Things have certainly dropped off dramatically since Denis McKeegan decided to stand down from running the CMCA site. Knowing that our reader base extends beyond our own members, we are happy to fill the void until they get their act back together.

Popularity comes at a price however, and if that means copping a few digs on our guestbook, that's fine, as we all enjoy a laugh. However there comes a time when the fine line is crossed and we need to make the odd 'deletion'. We will be making some upgrades on our website during the off-season, so hopefully we may even win over some of the remaining sceptics.

As for YouTube, Phil & I have been a bit slack in recent weeks due to conflicting schedules, however we will be back in time to provide our input for the finals... stay tuned.

Sugar,

Keep up the great work, most CMCA clubs are envious of the way ANA are running their affairs of the park, good administration, and people who are also running a great web site.
Make hay while the sun shines as we all know how hard it is to manage sporting clubs these days.
Good control of the guestbook is the answer, you don't want it to go the way the CMCA did, and more recently, the way the boys down the highway, who had a nutter who single handedly was reponsible for shutting theirs down.
The funny thing is, since the nutter found out about computers, he now runs the organisations web site that he is a part of, and has hopefully learned from his previous mistakes, as they do not have a guestbook.
As you can see with this forum, if its controlled, everyone can have a chuckle.

 

[CLOCKER]

Re: CMCA- Ommies to remain in top grade

Could not agree more with you Archie. These were the good old days when the notorious 'Stumped' would let fly at anything or anyone, that was until the dark days came.....the executive hunted down and destroyed any free speech..Now there is barely a few of us left.
Here is a snippet from the past....enjoy, and keep up the good work Sugar.

TURNING BLIND (February 2003)

Interesting to hear about respected opinions from people when it comes to a club�s record against another specific club. The current Longmuir schedule has resulted in some topical comments about a home side�s supposed recent struggles when it faces the current away side over the past few seasons. What makes these comments interesting is the fact that the home side has actually not lost to the away side in more than six years, which begs the question as to where this observation has come from?

FINAL INNINGS (February 2003)

The club is approaching its last ever selection night with one of its club stalwarts. Come next selection night the man will have married and moved to the northern suburbs to reside with his wife. It will be an emotional night for the Thursday night regulars, his fellow members of the group known as ANA After Dark, who have taken for granted the late night antics of the club legend.

A plethora of Thursday night Bourbon and Cokes have resulted in many humorous episodes involving the great man, including that unmistakable laugh as he looks to the roof with his mouth wide open and clapping his hands in glee. Other notable antics include the pre-toilet break revelation, the renowned intimate one-on-one conversations with his arm over one's shoulder, and of course the world famous �girth�.

It will be a sad day in the history of the club as we say farewell to the man who has put the club before himself many a time. The South Road Fish and Chip shop, known affectionately as �John�s� will also miss the fortnightly 2am order of one potato cake and two Dim Sims prior to his bed time slumber. All we can say is good luck in the next life old friend. At least we will still be able to catch up on Saturday afternoons, as you continue to do your service for the club and score for the firsts.

DISMISSING THE TOP ORDER (February 2003)

Isn�t it amazing that two sides that have featured on the bottom of the Longmuir ladder in recent seasons are currently occupying the top two spots in Longmuir Shield this season? Isn�t it also amazing that everyone has jumped on the tall poppy syndrome, dismissing their credibility in getting there? Why is this so?

Is it difficult for clubs to accept that hard work is finally paying off? Some clubs have taken for granted their success over the years, and expect that their formula will always be the right one. However, when other clubs with limited success previously start rubbing shoulders with the big guns, jealousy and excuses start to set in. The fear of their once accepted positions begin to be threatened and as a result sniping and daggers creep into their mindset. This type of emerging culture will eat into their once successful formula and highlight that what goes around does come around. Success comes in cycles. Those that work harder show results.

SCORCHING DAY�S PLAY (January 2003)

An amazing set of events occurred in week one of round nine, when two matches in Longmuir had a day�s play cancelled due to extreme weather conditions. As the temperature reached 44 degrees Celsius, the umpires of the mentioned games approached the captains of the competing sides to see if they were prepared to risk the heat and commence play. This resulted in negative response, so we have a couple of one-day matches next week. With the growing negative sentiment towards Saturday / Sunday matches, combating the argument for an even playing draw in Longmuir, it looks like natural events such as weather will always interfere. As a result it would seem that we may have possibly seen the last of the Saturday/Sunday matches.

With other matches in lower grades also being postponed until next week, it looks like player safety is becoming an interest that would require specific guidelines to be met by the association. A match was even called off mid way through the day in Woolnough, due to the oppressive conditions. It�s worth noting though that these conditions occur once in a blue moon, hence the hysterics of making changes for days like this should not take up too much attention.

POWERFUL SHOT (January 2003)

Who�s pulling the strings at one of the clubs in Longmuir Shield? How does a club put themselves in a position where one of their most talented players and hard working committee members leaves the club for good to spend the rest of the season umpiring? It seems that certain people within the club, who have never played the game, hold grudges wiht others. With their power riddled minds, they decide to set up petitions to overthrow people who are doing jobs which are at a level that they are uncomfortable with. Levels which are trying to put the club back on track. This mindset will see the club continue to go down their merry path to non-existence if things don�t change.

AMAZING KNOCK (January 2003)

It was made a big deal when someone made 260 not out in F Grade earlier in the season, creating an all time high club score, therefore it should be made a bigger deal when someone makes 263 not out in Longmuir Shield, which became the highest Longmuir Shield individual score ever. It was a magnificent innings of superb timing and awesome power. Following up his score of 141 before Christmas (which just happened to be his first hit in three years), the batsman has scored 404 runs for one dismissal. Even if he scores four ducks in the final four rounds of the Home & Away season, he will still have a Longmuir batting average above 80, hence locking in the Longmuir Shield batting average for season 2002/03.

HOME & AWAY (December 2002)

There is a side that is very much looking forward to its clash with another side not long after Christmas following the departure of a couple of its key players during the off season. After asking the players to play for the love of the club for the coming season, the two decided to play elsewhere and have found a new home. This home will be the venue of their imminent clash with their former club who are very excited to reacquaint themselves with their former teammates. Their form is just starting to pick up in time, and with some extra motivation, the match should be very interesting.

LOCK OUT (December 2002)

A certain club is obviously disappointed about the turnout of events when a person involved with a school ground decided to shut up shop in permitting play for the remainder of the season. It has put the season for a couple of the club�s senior elevens in limbo. As with any diabolical situation such as this, one must wonder what the hell happened! If you listen to the club�s treatment of being shafted from their ground you will hear the tale of a nazi type character linked with the police force who has no passion for cricket whatsoever, and has an issue with people parking their car within the school grounds.

However, there are two sides to every story. Obviously, the club has to �spin� the story in order to ensure it doesn�t let themselves and the competition down for their behaviour on the day of the altercation that resulted in the ground being indefinitely suspended from CMCA competition. The stories relating to behaviour on the day that is gaining plenty of momentum relates to behaviour that�s inappropriate in school grounds, let alone on a day when the voting for the state election is taking place on the same premises� and it doesn�t relate to showing your car off in public where it shouldn�t be.

THROW TO THE WRONG END (December 2002)

A certain official was slightly concerned about the pitch conditions for an up and coming representative match and decided to vent his frustration towards the club who�s home ground it is. This turned out to be a big mistake for the man who has been known to �shoot at the hip� in the past. The club targeted was clearly as frustrated as the official, due to the council�s treatment of the ground, which resulted in concerns with the ground on match day, and had no right to be labelled by the official in the way that it was. In the end, the council had finally responded to the club�s request in managing the ground differently in order for match day�s not to be affected. However, this didn�t let the official off the hook. Regular visits to the ground on the weekend resulted in more than half a dozen people questioning (nicely putting it) his attack on the club, which resulted in a fair bit of back-paddling from the official. In the end everyone was a winner, and all have made peace� but not without some heated moments along the way.

CLOSURE OF INNINGS (November 2002)

As captain, you would be quite confident of winning a match when your side has scored almost 400 runs in the first week, wouldn�t you? That�s exactly what happened in F Grade last round, when a side had to defend 395 with 65 overs left of play for the match. This left the opposition requiring more than a run a ball at the start of the second day�s play to win the game. As a result it would be unlikely from the fielding captain�s perspective to lose the match from this point. As with all clubs, unavailable players for one week result in the gamble of throwing them in for their available week in the playable week. The gamble being that their strength in either batting or bowling is utilised in the game. Enter one player who had been missing for a few weeks but was available to bat in week two for the chasing side in the discussed match. He went on to make 261 not out, and the match was won. So convincing was the innings that play was called off with another five overs to spare!

As captain, you must respect an opponent that has chased such a massive score to win. Obviously they deserve the win, and a special congratulations would go to the individual that made it happen, you would assume. Not everyone scores 260 every week to give their team a victory when chasing almost 400! Well it seems to be that this captain didn�t take the result too kindly and decided to scribble over the individual performance on the press report. Fortunately the result itself got enough recognition through word-of-mouth that not only did it receive Herald-Sun attention, but got as much press coverage in the local paper, as the whole Longmuir Shiled wrap-up!

RETAINING THE STRIKE (November 2002)

There were strong whispers throughout the pre-season, and even as late as last week regarding a certain player coming back from overseas to resume his cricketing career with another club within the CMCA. Officials from the prospective new club were quietly gloating about the fact that they had recruited the gun batsman from his �previous club� with little of their knowledge, and were planning to spring a clearance on the club as soon as he got off the plane in time for round five. Imagine their disbelief when they heard the scores on Sunday morning, which included their supposed recruit playing cricket for his current club in round four and almost scoring a ton!

SINGLE HANDED PERFORMANCE (November 2002)

Congratulations to a well respected up and coming player for his match day efforts on the weekend that even gained an article in the Herald Sun. Not bad publicity for a performance in the CMCA�s Woolnough Shield. A magical day in the field started off in the player picking up eight wickets in dismissing the opposition. Then in the limited time left for the day, the same player smashed an unbeaten ton. What hasn�t been mentioned too much relates to the post-play celebrations. Apparently the hero of the day got involved in some fisticuffs during a night of heavy drinking and as a result has a likely broken hand. If it has turned out to be broken, it would look like that he�ll be doing a few other things one handed for a while instead of winning cricket matches.

UMPIRED OUT OF THE GAME (November 2002)

Well done to a Longmuir club official that decided to publicly support the CMCA idea of recruiting umpires from clubs in Round Five. Displayed through the CMCA guestbook, it's good to see a club understand the rationale behind the initiative to find clubs as an avenue to find quality umpires. All clubs have been crying out for them. And let's be honest, this man�s club isn't overly abundant with excess personnel.

This is unlike a Woolnough club official, which is in a similar position numbers wise, yet decided to display a very negative sentiment towards the idea, as well as those who initiated it. This was done via a reply email to all club secretaries as well as CMCA officials. The constructive argument, that had every right to be discussed, was obliterated with the man�s excessive emotion and lack of foresight. We at STUMPED fear that he has done nothing to progress the issue, yet he has clearly exposed the mentality that sees his club in the fragile state that he has so publicly brought to everyone�s attention.

TWO HANDS (October 2002)

It was a great effort by a club stalwart to score a century in Round two of the season, particularly as the 41 year old opened the batting and remained not out after batting for the full 72 overs. Many opposition attacks have been victim to his prolific run scoring in nearly 25 years of first eleven cricket for the club, not to mention his on-field antics that amuse his team mates who watch from the boundary. In this week�s local paper, the �left-hander� received a great write up about his knock, except for one key point. For the complete 72 overs the man played every ball with his �non-preferred� right-handed batting stance. The CMCA writer would have been able to broadcast the enormity of the amazing feat, but alas he failed to mention this fact. Or did he get the other fact wrong? Surely not, because as mentioned before, the man has been playing first eleven cricket for nearly 25 years. Right?

WHAT�S YOUR DECISION UMPIRE? (October 2002)

What the hell is going on with this bloke? This is the question that�s being asked by many people within the CMCA. This includes umpires, players and administrators alike. A CMCA umpire has taken up a senior coaching role for a Longmuir club. Once it was finally discovered by the CMCA, a decision was enforced for the person to either coach or umpire, but not both. The person wanted the opportunity to present his case, and as a result due to the restraint of trade, asked for permission for a late clearance in order to play for the club he had been appointed to coach. Coincidentally, the player would have been up against his former side for which he is a life member of. This was granted by the CMCA, but now it seems that all the work in permitting the man to play has all been for nought as he was only watching the game for the grandstands. The question that needs to be asked is what does the guy want to do this cricket season. Does he want to umpire, does he want to be a senior coach, or does he want to be a playing coach? Let�s hope his mind is made up in time for Round Three!

EARLY DECLARATION(October 2002)

Do some people ever learn? An incident involving two clubs in E grade last year resulted in a controversial mid match selection which resulted in one club being fined $200, and another club missing out on the finals on percentage. As a result, the CMCA enforced the rules that cause teams to be officially passed onto the opposition by tea time in order to confirm which eleven players will be representing their side.

Last weekend the two sides met again in week one of round two in the same grade for the �controversial selection rematch�. With only eight players available in week one from last year�s fined club in the team, there was even more reason to require a list of eleven names for the following week. After already losing on first innings, when the opposition captain came up to ask for the full list of names, the losing captain told the player in no uncertain terms where to go, finishing the conversation by telling him not to expect his side to show up in week two.

If this is the way that lower grade sides are being captained, the clubs responsible may have to review what type of people they want taking control of matches for their club in order to assess whether they want their clubs to go down with them.

FINAL ELEVEN (October 2002)

There�s nothing more annoying on a Thursday night when you�ve picked the sides to play on Saturday, then a phone call comes at 8pm from one of the opposition clubs, saying that they have to pull out their team due to low numbers. When a club has six forfeits in the first five rounds of last season, you could imagine the frustration of trying to recruit players to play cricket on a Saturday, only to see them have no one to play against. How can you justify them having to pay subscriptions for the year when they don�t even play?

Things started poorly once again this season in round one, with forfeits rearing their ugly heads, including the opposition to our fourth eleven. The same seemed likely in round two for our fourth eleven, however the work by the opposing club should send a message to other clubs who decide to forfeit their sides as soon as they fear the team won�t be at full strength.

After warning our club on the Wednesday that the game might be called off due to low numbers, the club rang parents, locals nearby, farmers, everyone! In the end they have managed to scrape up a confirmed side to play cricket on the Saturday. Not only that, but they most likely have picked up four or five new players that will play out the rest of the season, provide the club with more funds through subscriptions and bar sales, as well as friends that they might bring to the club along the way. Look what a bit of an effort does. If only other clubs could do the same instead of giving up so easily.

ASKING THE QUESTION (October 2002)

Everyone knows that a highly regarded match day official has another role within the association that is deemed questionable considering the current role he has served for the past two seasons. It is also well known that if anyone could possibly get away with combining the two roles, it would probably be the person involved. Everyone knows that the man has a high level of integrity and is intelligent enough not to allow one position to play a certain part in the person�s other position. What seems to be the question is why this person doesn�t believe that combining the two roles isn�t going to make many others within the association concerned about it? It could open the door to the biggest can of worms the association has ever seen.

INTERSTATE RECRUIT (October 2002)

It�s well known that one club has several players missing from last year for various reasons. One of them has been interstate and is planning on a return around Christmas time to play at his old club� or is he? There is a story floating around that he may be coming back to play for another club within the CMCA. If this is true, the incumbent club would find the quality batsman pretty hard to replace. The pending new club will welcome the recruit if it turns out to be true. Although after last Saturday�s results, they may struggle to find a spot for him in the batting line up.

SILLY POINT (October 2002)

It seems that a public figure within the CMCA missed the sarcastic angle of the previous article. It�s funny seeing that these people have built a reputation on executing their notorious sarcastic humour on one of the official CMCA forums. Having said that, there was a lot of preparation and time taken on the joke that the previous article ran an extension on. Once it was �executed� there was a lot of anticipation that people were going to be completely bluffed by it come Saturday. As the joke was well known even before its �execution�, you would assume that the people involved needed to force some mileage out of it. It is often said that sometimes too much enthusiasm can make you go blind.

OVERSEAS IMPORTS (October 2002)

If you notice in the pre season write ups on all the clubs in either the declaration or local newspapers, you will notice that one club has spread its recruiting drive from all corners of the globe. The club concerned has done a great job to pick up a �mystery spinner� from Pakistan, as well as the more intriguing �express pace bowler� from England.

The fast bowler from England us more intriguing because there has been a lot of pre season talk about the person known only as �Dexter Bola�. From all reports his pre season has been very encouraging, with his height and pace providing the batsmen at his new club with much needed practice. The amazing thing about our famous Dexter is that no one has heard about his performances in the English leagues, particularly this season. It is apparent that outside of training, he is deep in exile. Word has it that his replacement in the new �Perfect Match� by Agro has forced him to shy away from the public spotlight.

PITCH CONDITIONS (October 2002)

In all their best interests, the council have unfortunately made another blunder in their attempts to bring back some goodwill between themselves and local sporting clubs. After all the heartache of last season�s public liability debacle, the council has shown to be more supportive of local sport, by relaxing on their stance against the insurance companies. The clubs, being the meat in the sandwich, have access to their grounds and it�s full steam ahead for season 2002/03. But hang on! What�s this? What have they done to the pitch?! Yes, it seems that the council have picked up some new contractors this season who unfortunately don�t realise the delicate job removing the dirt from the football season off the pitch.

Apparently four pitches within a certain council have been damaged and need to be completely re-laid. Some grounds will have �vintage� style synthetic, while other clubs have been fortunate enough to get a brand new synthetic pitch. It�s unfortunate for the contractors as they have done a remarkable job in making the grounds look in the best conditions possible ever seen for October in many years. Unfortunately they can�t clear dirt off a pitch without damaging it. Also, to be fair to the council�s administrators, they have done a great job also in making up for the error. Unfortunately their contractors have cost them a bit of money, but at least they have been on the front foot in accepting blame. Bring on the cricket season!

PRE-SEASON PREDICTIONS (September 2002)

An interesting meeting was had at a local drinking establishment between two players of two Longmuir clubs. One team has had a couple of sides that have recently been promoted, while the other has a couple of sides being demoted. Under the wing of their coach, a couple of young guns of the demoted club were gaining in confidence the more drinks they were having. As such, they were talking up their chances to a couple of stalwarts from the promoted club.

Despite several warnings from their coach, the youngsters thought they were good enough to take on the two experienced ones in a verbal joust. This proved unfortunate as they were convincingly shot down to bits. As a result, the coach will need to provide a bit of advice on how to handle stoushes both on and off the field.

DRAW RELEASE (September 2002)

The draw is out! After so much anticipation over when the draw will be revealed, the CMCA have finally come up with the draw that has eased the association back into the old system of the best sides being represented in the appropriate gradings. As stated by the CMCA earlier in the year, only one change has occurred in the top two grades. The most interesting elements include last year�s C Grade finalists being promoted to Woolnough Shield, while C Grade will be a ten team draw. This includes one first eleven, being the losing D Grade finalists, who have been promoted with the team that beat them in last year�s grand final.

Another interesting point is the subtle relegation of a certain club�s lower grades in the competition. Supposedly known as the �Acknowledged Leaders�, this club has been more than happy with its requests to go down the grades. Is this a sign of things to come? It�s also interesting to note that they�re not alone. Another club whose first eleven figured so prominently out of nowhere last season has been happy to see it�s lower sides sink down the gradings as well. Let�s bring the season on and find out how it will all pan out.

CHANGING OF THE GUARD (September 2002)

The club wishes to wish the best of luck to an ex player who has taken the role of captain coach at a club in which there have been several extremely strong battles in recent years. A person who has made �discipline� his life should do very well for this club who has just failed to nail the killer punch in being recognised as a top grade club. With their new captain coach, batting collapses like the one witnessed first hand last year should not repeat itself.

LATE FOR TRAINING (September 2002)

Another chapter in a certain club�s story of falling off the rails includes an incident involving one of the club�s most recognised players. He has been around the club for over 20 years and is a life member. He received his letter to promote pre season training, encouraging all members to get to indoor training in order to prepare for the coming season. He received his letter on the Wednesday. Unfortunately for him, and all other club members who received their letters also, the training session mentioned in the letter was booked for the Monday before the letter was received. Plenty of laughs have been had by their next door neighbour, when the story was revealed.

TURNING BLIND (September 2002)

An interesting meeting was had between the CMCA and the Presidents & Secretaries of all clubs within the association. Obviously the key talking point was that of the promotion/relegation decision for the coming season. What was most interesting, were the views of many people who decided to have a go at the CMCA without taking the time to understand what they were arguing about. Obviously it was a tough call by the CMCA to make the decision they did. However it was the correct decision according to the guidelines that have been submitted in the handbook for many years.

It was bordering on comical to hear the people of lower ranked Woolnough and D Grade first eleven clubs saying that the decision was wrong. This is considering the fact that they have never read the rulebook that explains what the guidelines are when the CMCA considers clubs for qualification of Longmuir Shield. These guidelines are quite clear, yet have been somewhat clouded due to an incorrect decision being made in previous seasons.

These are the same clubs that when given the chance to be promoted in previous years, following B Grade success, they ask not be promoted because their player numbers threaten them to field a side, let alone be competitive for the coming season! This throws the whole association into disarray, hence the CMCA creating the guidelines that need to be required in order for a first eleven to be eligible for Longmuir Shield. This makes the whole argument quite clear cut. However, these clubs that let the CMCA down are the same clubs that complain about the rules and guidelines that they forced the CMCA to create. To those clubs, a special message: stop being both farcical and hypocritical and leave the decision making to those that choose to think about it.

WARMING UP (August 2002)

Could it be true? A highly respected player that again shone like a beacon, in comparison to the rest of his team mates last season, has supposedly been training with another club during pre-season. The club was proven to be out of its depth this year but has been given a lifeline by the CMCA. This was due to the fact that the club was growing, and with its highly established star, things were looking up for the club this year as it increases its competitiveness.

However, with this news, the question would be asked how much improved the club is going to be? One thing�s for sure. The club that has picked up his services for pre season would be delighted to have him playing for them this season. It will take them that one step closer to reaching the Longmuir Grand Final that just eluded them last season. You would expect this club to be giving the opposition hell if it eventuates.

DEFIANT INNINGS (August 2002)

With all this negative talk about dwindling player numbers in recent years, and clubs either folding or merging, it�s great to hear news about a club that seems to be getting its act together and moving forward. This club probably reached its lowest ebb just over two years ago when it volunteered to step away from the top grade due to a loss of quality players, and a general lack of competitiveness. After years of working its way towards making the top grade by strong performances in the lower grades, it must have been disappointing for club stalwarts see their club walk away from the grade that everyone had worked so hard to achieve.

The club had a poor outlook for the future, as the club had no base for juniors as this was being �stolen� by a neighbouring turf club who seems to monopolise the area by brainwashing kids to play there because of the �turf� factor. On top of this it was mentioned that the youngest player at the club was 27 years old. This would obviously leave little hope for the future.

However, the last twelve months have been encouraging, as things seem to be on the way up. With the return of some club heroes last season, the club was regarded as one of the top few sides in Woolnough Shield. This season seems to be even more encouraging, as the club has brought some young fresh faces to the club for pre-season training. Let�s just hope that this club gets back on its feet and makes a fully fledged assault on the Woolnough Shield, in its aim to reclaim its position as one of the traditional clubs in Longmuir Shield.

TAKING IT ON THE CHIN (August 2002)

There�s a certain club that feels a little hard done by with decisions from the powers that be when it comes to where they will be playing this season. This is not a topic that STUMPED has chosen to discuss much due to the understanding of their predicament. However it has come to a stage where keeping quiet is no longer an option.

Last season when another club was deemed as hard done by the CMCA for their relegation, it was taken on the chin. There�s no denying that a lot of campaigning was done in order to influence the decision in the club�s favour. However, once the decision was final, the club accepted it, didn�t complain, and just focussed on doing what it needed to do in order to play in the level it wanted to play for the following season. The situation this season is not so similar.

It is understood that it must be frustrating for a club to think it�s done what needs to be done in order to be promoted. However when you know that everything that needs to be done is not, then there is no reason to complain. Rules are clear, as they are written to be abided by. If you think you will get away with things without following the rules, because others did in the past, you are not serious in doing what�s right by the rules, and why they were created.

Legal proceedings have been rumoured, and will only bring the competition down along with the club that is steering their own direction that way. And this is supposedly coming from a club that has stated to the CMCA that they will �cop it on the chin�. The message is simple. Whilst completely sympathising with the club involved, forget the past and ignore shifting blame. Follow the rules and move forward.

DEPLETED ATTACK (August 2002)

It seems that the club mentioned below will be the only club with a depleted bowling line up this coming summer. One club that is creating a history of losing some outright matches after Christmas will need to get its act together in making sure that the trend doesn�t extend to the beginning of the season. That is because the word is that it�s key strike bowlers have either gone walkabout or are non committal to the coming season.

This lack of commitment from their players may be due to their focus of other activities during the off-season. A lot of work was trying to pick up a new playing list, hence a lack of focus on retaining their existing playing list. As the off-season work came to no avail, it�s important for them to make sure that they can keep their players, otherwise they will have a couple of spinners opening the bowling from all reports.

FACING NO DELIVERIES (July 2002)

A few years ago, one club in particular had one of the most remarkable recruiting drives ever. It cemented the playing services of several talented cricketers from overseas, and escalated the club�s poor first eleven ranking to a Longmuir premiership in just one season. Unfortunately, since that magic season, the wheels have fallen off slowly as these highly prized recruits have disappeared from the scorebooks one by one. It is now likely that none of the overseas talents from three years ago will be playing for the club in which they won a premiership for. Visa regulations are now being enforced, making this scenario more than likely. These losses are likely to include their captain whose work commitments are putting pressure on his Saturdays.

To make things worse, the club is facing the loss of two of their most credentialled home grown bowling talents. In addition to this, one of their best bats has gone overseas and may not be back until after Christmas, if at all, following six or seven seasons with the club. With the retirement of one of their greats last season to move interstate, the club is almost faced with the prospect of having their entire premiership side from three years ago not playing for them this season. It has even brought some committee members of the club to the suggestion of stepping down from the top-grade! It seems that short-term planning works well, provided that the long-term picture does not get lost in all the hysteria.

SMALL FISH IN A BIG POND (July 2002)

It is the ambition of most clubs to have their first eleven playing in the Longmuir Shield. One club that has threatened to do so over the past few years, but has just failed at the final hurdle is saddling up for another year in the second grade after a somewhat disappointing season. After being so close for two years in a row, they were looking at pushing for top honours last season. Unfortunately their batting was exposed in the last few rounds and in the end, just missed the finals.

This has led their skipper to finally leave his beloved club to taste the fruits of the Longmuir Shield. He has moved to a club just down the road in the aim of tasting cricket at the top level of the CMCA. This would be a major disappointment for the Woolnough club that is so close to achieving its ambitions. From the sounds of it, he will fit in to this club quite comfortably, as he will share the same experiences with his new teammates. Only last season, this club choked and missed out on the finals also.

PURPLE PATCH (July 2002)

During the winter months, a certain player at the club is leaving his mark at the moment off the field for both the right and wrong reasons. Some would say he�s leaving his mark on everything that�s good about going out. Unfortunately he is blending it all with an element of leaving your mark that�s very bad. Right now, I can hear you thinking �how?� Let�s just say that he is taking advantage of a condition normally prevalent to young children suffering nightmares and forcing their mothers to purchase extra washing powder.

This notorious human being has left his mark on some night spots by not getting home until the next day. What is most disturbing about this situation is that he has left his mark before he gets home by exploiting his condition on those that have been unfortunate enough to lie next to him during sleeping hours. It�s growing more and more as the proud man�s trademark. To all you females out there who may cross his path... look out!

OUT FOR THE SEASON (July 2002)

One of the competition�s young guns who captained his side in Woolnough Shield last season had a lot of interest from other clubs for his playing services this coming season. With his side�s downhill performances becoming worse as last season progressed, coupled with the bait of playing in the top grade this season, this guy was being targeted by several Longmuir clubs.

Unfortunately these talks are likely to cease following a knee injury in football recently that has sidelined him from competitive sport for the next twelve months. The knee brace hasn�t stopped him from being seen at local nightclubs, but the physical demands of his bowling action will most likely prevent him from being seen on the playing field at all this summer. His current club will be suffering for it immensely this season as he was the only shining light in a dismal season, and due to the club�s on-field culture, it doesn�t look like things will improve in the foreseeable future.

FAILED TAKEOVER (July 2002)

As reported in STUMPED earlier in the week, the most likely merger scenario during the off season looked pretty strong. However we used the analogy that you shouldn�t count your chickens until they�re hatched. The word is that the merger scenario discussed has finally come to its conclusion and has been ABORTED.

This means that these two clubs will remain as they were last season with their own identities and existing resources for them to keep on their own. It seems that when mergers get discussed between two clubs, each of them have the desire to keep as much as what they already have still intact. This includes home bases, top line players, and juniors. However, the most sensitive issue on what the combine will be is the name of the club, and acknowledgement of their history. As stated previously, the clubs involved would have had personal agendas as to how they can turn as much a merger into a takeover as possible.

This might change the views of some senior people within the CMCA, who are actively pushing mergers. It�s interesting that the two obvious mergers that occurred in the eighties both started off like a house on fire. If you look at these two clubs today, they are struggling, with both of them being heavily discussed as merger candidates. Is it really the better option to look at merging in order to re-build a successful club? History is showing that it isn�t.

If you follow the stronger clubs in the association, it might be better to use them as benchmarks then go for the harder option. It is no easy option when you are sacrificing your history and the name of the club that your previous members represented. Embracing commitment from as many club members as possible is the key. Failure of this is what kills a club. The ideas of committee members have only their club�s best interests in mind. But when their players expect a game of cricket every week, yet fail to do a bit of work to ensure this, they are not letting themselves down, but all their fellow members who do put in. This extends to their families, their history... everything they thought they supported. The fact is that they didn�t.

SECOND ELEVEN (July 2002)

As discussed previously, there has been plenty of talk during the off-season regarding the potential merging of clubs. One club in particular has been discussed a fair bit regarding mergers in the past (they have merged before), and these days are pretty desperate to merge with another club, due to dwindling player numbers and zero juniors. Funnily enough, they spoke to a couple of clubs this winter about the likelihood of combining resources. The first club they spoke to was a (now fellow) Woolnough side that has been keen to have that little something extra that will get them in to the top grade.

These talks broke down, which led to the club discussing mergers with a Longmuir side that apparently had initial foundations with the discussed club. It looked like it could have been a marriage made in heaven. Great grounds, great numbers, junior sides... it had the potential to be a CMCA powerhouse. Unfortunately for the two clubs, talks broke down. The reason behind this is the same reason that has and will see many clubs abort merger attempts because both clubs want to keep as much an identity of their former selves as possible. The more powerful club wanted a takeover while the lesser club wanted half the recognition. There�s nothing wrong with this as it is the passion of the club members that create this conflict. Unfortunately it creates a divide in merger discussions because all clubs would want to have their cake and eat it to. As a result another merger attempt has failed.

If other clubs are looking to merge, then this club is an attractive merger target. It has a great ground, newly renovated clubrooms and a really strong desire to merge. They have confessed to a limited life span if they don�t.

Despite all this, another merger discussion looks like it could be heading to fruition. Both clubs are around the same area, with one having a top grade senior base and minimal juniors, while the other has a second grade senior side and an extremely healthy junior base. It looks like it will be a perfect fit, and it seems to be full steam ahead. However, don�t count your chickens until they�re hatched. As with the previous mergers discussed, once it comes down to finalising the name and allocation of resources, it shows the true colours of clubs as to whether they are 100% serious about entering a merger or a takeover.

DIAMOND DUCK (July 2002)

During the off season of cricket, it�s usually common for the main topic of conversation to be where individual players will compete during the coming season. However this winter, it seems to be the potential merging of clubs that has got everyone�s tongues wagging. Despite this, there�s no doubt that some players have been discussed. One player who played a great hand in nearly securing a Longmuir grand final berth last season was tempted by a club a bit further up north to be their first eleven captain. A strong bond between the coach and prospective player saw this partnership as a potentially good one, particularly following their times together during CMCA Under 21�s. Unfortunately for the coach, the player has decided to stay where he is. This is fair enough, although the player has been known to change clubs at the drop of a hat in the past.

NEW PARTNERSHIP (May 2002)

It has been a big week for those within the City of Moorabbin Cricket Association as we turn into May. Not only did all clubs celebrate the CMCA presentation night, but it was the week where submissions for Longmuir Shield were due by all clubs that wished to apply. It has been touted that a few changes in the criteria for decision making will be enforced (or should that be the actual criteria stated in the handbook will be enforced?). Anyway, let�s just hope that all that are interested submitted their applications by the due date, which was Tuesday, April 30th.

Speaking of presentation night, there was a strong rumour flying around that one Longmuir club of last season may be applying next season under a different name. Could this be because they are looking at merging with someone else? It is well known that this club has lacked support due to a low supply of committed players, not to mention a non-existent junior base. Therefore, it will be interesting to find out how they plan to work on this alleged merger. Even more interesting is how it will work seeing as the rumoured club to merge with is not part of the CMCA (seniors at least), and have a non-synthetic background.

CHANGING OF THE GUARD (April 2002)

The most interesting part of the off-season is whether clubs can keep their better players. So much is talked about and whispered as to whether star players are kept by their clubs or not. The same can be said for coaches and captain/coaches. Who will be changing clubs next season, and who will be leaving clubs and not be coming back?

It has been whispered for some time that a first year premiership captain/coach might be relocating to a new club in a new competition. Maybe the guy would prefer to see less RSL citizens hitting golf balls, and more RSL citizens drinking beer and going to the pokies? Another strong rumour affects the player that this rumour would be overtaking, in that he might be going to a new club with new change rooms as captain/coach. All will make sense in the next few months.

Another one filtering across is the rumoured departure of coach for one club based near the Nepean Highway. The question is whether it is true or not, and if so, why?

SELECTION CRITERIA (March 2002)

It is to be an interesting selection night in the rooms on the Thursday prior to the grand final, particularly in the club�s G Grade side. A shoulder injury has forced a young up and coming star who is in great form to miss out on the semi-final two weeks ago, and as a result paved the way for a very enthusiastic member of the club to take his spot. This excitable player has only joined the club this season, and has already made a name for himself. He is what you call a student of the game, and he takes his cricket very seriously. His intense passion for the game has forced him to act in a weird fashion this week in his aim to not be replaced by the young star, who will be fit for the weekend.

Some of the antics he has been up to is by not speaking to any players that may threaten his spot. This is in the aim of proving that a psychological edge is acknowledged between him and his rivals. Sucking up to the captain of the side, who ultimately holds his fate, has been another notable behavioural element. This includes being the captain�s shadow for the past two weeks, and most notably, lending him porn videos to stay in his good books!

These are the kind of tricks that this enthusiastic bloke is trying to execute in order to be part of a grand final side, and hopefully a premiership. Most of us understand how bad we want to be part of things like this. Unfortunately the speculation of whether he is to going to be picked is showing signs of cracking within the young lad. His reputable fielding is starting to slip, and his other elements of the game are also starting to slide. Good luck to him, but we at STUMPED hope that the better player gets picked for the side.

COURAGEOUS DECISION (March 2002)

Being somewhat related to the previous article, it�s worth discussing probably the most controversial umpiring decision for the season. No doubt we are talking about the lbw dismissal of the number eleven batsman of the losing Longmuir Shield preliminary finalists. Many people have called it a very courageous decision by the umpire, who took up a full season of umpiring this season for the first time, following a distinguished playing career with a club on the highway. Many umpires have been known not to make the �hard decisions� when a match goes down to the wire. The lbw decision resulted in a five run victory to last season�s premiers, giving them the opportunity to win back to back shields. For the losing team, an inspiring season of united players working together and hard work that looked like it was paying off with at least a grand final berth, has now turned into another wait for the ultimate glory.

However, the most disappointing result from the match was the behaviour of a certain spectator, which was a prelude to the incident discussed in the article below. It was an emotional time as all players and umpires walked off the field at the conclusion of the match. Some were filled with elation, others with disappointment. For an umpire, how would you be feeling when your decision has resulted in the continuation of a side�s dreams, and the death of another�s? One would feel that there would be a fair bit of anxiety running through your mind when you have made such a big call. This umpire however has been known to treat as water off a duck�s back. But the fact is, during a pretty emotional time the last thing you need is to be abused by spectators on the boundary as you are entering the �animal enclosure�.

But to set the record straight, when the batsman at the other end, who individually had the opportunity to win the game off his own bat, admits that the decision was plumb, then there is no reason to question it, is there? If that�s the case, everyone can let go of suggesting that it was the wrong decision, and move on to focus on the grand final and its participants.

PICKING THE SEAM (March 2002)

It�s been a very weird season for one person in the CMCA, who has been involved in a couple of incidents throughout the season. Firstly he decided to be an umpire, then after one game he decided to become a player again. Mid-season, after getting reported over a couple of on-field incidents, he was suspended, and then he decided to return to umpiring. Now he is talking about becoming a player again next season!

He is mainly known for being the son of one of the competition�s most discussed about umpires. However, his father would not have had an ounce of the publicity that he has received this week, thanks to an incident with an AFL footballer at a pub in Brighton. The venue is well known for CMCA players having the odd ale or two (or much more), so it wasn�t too surprising to hear that this guy was drinking there on St. Patrick�s day. Here he was having a heart to heart with an AFL player. The AFL player, who used to play for a club that was much closer by, has not changed his well publicised off-field habits. This was highlighted after being questioned about his comment on being �one of the greatest forward pockets in the competition�, as he punched our well known man to the ground and started gouging his eyes!

This doesn�t come as too much of a surprise seeing our hero does not shy away from an argument very often. It will be interesting to see whether he will be umpiring next season or following his current feelings about returning as a player. If he decides to umpire, let�s hope his vision hasn�t been affected too much by the incident.

One other area of concern is that it is rumoured that his wife has not been able to find him since Friday last week! Surely after reading today�s paper, she will be able to get more of an idea.

DRINKS ON THE FIELD (March 2002)

There has been some controversy over the past week with stories flying around that a certain club president decided to bring some alcohol with him to watch his side play a finals match at the opposition's home ground. There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with that on the surface, but it has been brought up that the alcohol provided was sold to supporters on the day, therefore rivalling the bar purchases at the canteen for the home side.

This rumour has upset people within the club of the home side, as they believe that if true, it would have broken the unspoken law of buying your beers at the canteen and supporting the home club. This unspoken law assists club's in revenue, and also allows the clubs to support each other when it is their turn to host a day of cricket. The facts are beginning to surface that it was no more than an esky of beer brought to watch the game between a few supporters.

If this is so, then it is completely harmless. However, if beers were being sold by away side supporters, it would be a pretty low act. It would be totally against the culture of what CMCA supporters are all about, and undermines the fantastic social culture supporters and opposing players have created in the competition.

THE GENTLEMEN'S GAME (March 2002)

Much has been said about a protested result in the final round of the season, affecting two third eleven sides, but more so affecting one of the sides's finals aspirations. The result was a one run victory to the home side, which put the away side out of the finals on percentage alone. Even a tie, a draw, or a washout would have given the away side a finals spot.

The protest was based on a player from the home side who just happened to show up on the second week, following a highly promoted knee injury on the field in the first week from the player he replaced. There was never any indication during week one that there was a substitute player competing in week one. As the home side was chasing the runs in week two, the replacement arrived at the crease in the middle order and went on to make fifty runs to assist the home side pass the score by one wicket, shortly followed by the dismissal of the final batsman.

The CMCA have decided not to alter the points due to the evidence brought forward to them, which is accepted by the aggrieved side. However, the opposition's conduct in playing the gentlemen's game and stating their case following the match leave a lot to be desired. Nothing was mentioned about the injured player originally being a substitute for week one. Coincidentally the substitute was injured on the field, and made a big deal about the injury after the game. However, following that, there was still no information to the away side, or to the umpire sitting the match, that the injured player would be replaced by another player in week two. In the end, the match was won by a single run, with the 'fill in' top scoring, and the away side missed out on the finals by one per cent.

You would say there were definite grounds for an argument, considering the legitimacy of the victory. Even more interesting is the fact that the white board highlighting the club's selected sides in the home side's clubrooms indicated that the injured player was on the board to be playing in the third eleven, hinting that he was never intended to be a substitute for anyone. The player that arrived in week two was not mentioned in any of the selected sides. These issues of concern were deemed void when the CMCA 'Investigation Committee' questioned the captain of the home side. The captain of the home side said the injured player's knee injury was never serious, despite him highly promoting the extent of the injury at the completion of the day's play after week one. Yet after these light hearted discussions at the time, there was still no mention of him being replaced to bat the following week. After all this, the captain confirmed to the 'Investigation Committee' that the injured player was always going to be replaced after week one, injury or not. Amazing coincidence that he was injured, isn't it? Unfortunately the captain has sworn to the 'Investigation Committee' that all was above board, and rightly so, the CMCA didn't have any substantial proof to change things.

It is difficult to swallow when you miss out on the finals by a run, even more so when the opposition player who top scored had question marks as to whether he was allowed to play. Even worse, the competition's governing body accepts that the home side breached competition rules and have been penalised accordingly!

As long as those "in the know" can sleep at night, then we can all sit back and say that a fair game of cricket was played. Because after the game, they didn't have a problem looking at opposition players in the eye, and telling them that the game was played in the right spirit.

POOR DECISION (March 2002))

Well, hasn't STUMPED made a big mistake!? With the previous article on this page, a light hearted point of discussion was raised as to the result of a Woolnough match, due to the extremity of the change in batting form of the higher placed side. As anticipated outright points were achieved after week two, and due to a loss by the second placed side at the time, the side that was discussed about has secured second spot to play the first placed side, being yours truly!

A few noses have been put out of joint due to the previous article and as a result serious revenge has been declared on the field by the discussed club. STUMPED apologises to both sides if anyone took the artcicle seriously enough to be upset, however the damage has been done, and STUMPED accepts that there will be a bit of fire in the match this coming weekend. We look forward to the challenge and accept the possibility that we may be eating humble pie, as one reader has previously mentioned in DEAR STUMPED. May the best team win.

VOLUNTARY DISMISSAL (February 2002)

Woolnough Shield has shown a huge difference in ability between the good sides and the bad sides. The results have been quite expected between the top sides and the bottom sides throughout the whole season.... except for the final round. It has been quite amazing to see that the results for week one show that a side on equal bottom has dismissed a side that is fighting for a double chance spot for 66. Later on in the day the lower placed side was dismissed for 37. This is worse than normal, but that would be expected when the higher side are fighting hard to boost its percentage in order to improve from third spot, when that is all that stands between them and second placed side.

So why didn't their batsmen back up the bowlers in trying to boost their percentage? To be all out for 66 is unbelievable. Who knows.... maybe some of the dismissals were voluntary in order to prevent a declaration that would have raised question marks? But to declare at 2/66 is much easier to stomach than a side being all out for 66, when they are clearly a strong batting line up. Maybe there have been some discussions prior to the match in order to work out the outcome to the benefit of both sides? Let's remember that the lower side has to maintain percentage in order to avoid potential relegation so things may be working in favour of both sides. Let's see what happens in week two before we confirm our thoughts.

HOME GROUND ADVANTAGE (February 2002)

As discussed previously, it will be interesting to see which ground gets the Longmuir Grand Final gig. We had the situation two years ago when the CMCA went against the grain and chose Chisholm Reserve as the preferred ground for the association's biggest match of the year. After going back to Hurlingham, all were curious to see what decision would be made this season, particularly with East Sandringham's form this summer.

Well, we can all forget about the rumours and innuendo because the Bayside Council have thrown a new variable into the calculation. They have issued a statement saying that during Grand Final Week, grounds will only be available where a tenant club will be participating. This suggests that Chisholm Reserve will be most likely hosting the Longmuir Shield Grand Final. But if Moorabbin West happened to win the second-semi final against East Sandringham, do they have the right to host it? Some of these questions will be answered at the end of the semi-finals, with the rest being answered after the preliminary finals.

Where does this leave Hurlingham Park, the undisputed premier ground of the competition? If they are lucky, they might be able to host the F Grade Grand Final according to the council. Go Union!

RETURN CREASE (February 2002)

It's fantastic how some people change their minds in life. One guy just can't make his mind up as to whether he wants to be a player, or an umpire. Early on this season, he was an umpire, then decided to go back to playing the game. An unsuccessful period in the whites, which resulted in him getting suspended for abusing another umpire, has seen him go back to his original calling this season, and return to the field as an umpire again! Seeing as players have been pretty strong on having a go at umpires, on and off the field, it's refreshing to see a player actually give the game away to become one. It does seem odd however, that this guy decided to report a couple of players immediately in his return as an official. You would feel a bit hard done by if you got suspended by someone who had no respect to umpires when he was a player.

INFLUENTIAL DECISIONS (February 2002)

An interesting precedent was set two seasons ago when the CMCA decided to schedule the Longmuir Shield Grand Final at Chisholm Reserve, instead of Hurlingham Park. This was the first time for many years that the CMCA�s biggest match of the season left the home of �The Acknowledged Leaders�. Reasons behind this were fair. The home side that played at Chisholm, East Sandringham Boys Club were on top of the ladder, and their ground was regarded as in the best condition of all the grounds going around.

So why the backflip the year after? Top of the ladder was Omega Cricket Club. They requested the final to be played at their home ground at Rowans Road. It was expected that this would be elementary considering the decision the year before. However, much to the bemusement of many within the competition, the final reverted back to Hurlingham Park. No one was under the impression that Bricker Reserve was in poor shape. It is of a good size and spectators enjoy watching the game there. So why wasn�t it considered worthy? Many have asked that question, and many Omega people are still bitter about the decision.

Why did East Sandringham have the opportunity to raise funds at the canteen the year before, when Omaga didn�t have the opportunity last year. In the end, a club that was three points away from the bottom of the ladder got the canteen spoils. That doesn�t seem fair, which leads to the question as to who is pulling the strings when it comes to decisions like this?

This year East Sandringham will be most likely to finish on top of the ladder with their current undefeated record. The CMCA, or those behind it, will be selecting the ground as to which the final will be played on. Obviously, if it was good enough two years ago, it would be this year. Therefore it should be a fait accompli. If this is the case, how will Omega feel about it? But will the supporters of Hurlingham allow it to happen? Time will tell.... stay tuned.

UNLIKELY DRAW (February 2002)

An amazing situation occurred in week one of Round Nine when on a 35 degree day, no play occurred in a Longmuir Shield match due to a wet pitch. Everyone must be scratching their heads wondering how that happened, however both clubs agreed to play a one day match the following week. This has passed, and due to a ridiculous storm the night before, play didn't occur in week two, leaving both clubs with three points. This has hurt the higher placed club's finals hopes, particularly in their quest to obtain the double chance. However the events have been a blessing for the lower placed team, who were languishing at the bottom of the ladder before the round.

The three points have placed them second bottom, and has now given them a chance to avoid relegation. The interesting thing with this club is that the lower placed club was the home side, who's obligation it was to get the ground ready for the match. With the knowledge that no junior play occurred on that ground in the morning, there was plenty of time for some senior players to get to the ground early and do some work to make the ground ready for play. As this didn't happen, it poses the question whether they wanted to play at all. If three points can get you off the bottom of the ladder with two rounds remaining, and you were to confront the second placed side in the competition, it would seem rather convenient not to play, wouldn't it?

Ofcourse the storm made conditions difficult to play under, but only one other ground in the whole competition was affected from the weather that prevented play. How can this happen to a supposed 'quality' ground in Longmuir Shield. The word is that the club had conceded defeat and were seeking to be relegated at the end of the season. With a handy three points being picked up for the round, you would wonder whether they are still thinking that way?

FINISHING A LONG SPELL (February 2002)

Sounds like the bells are ringing for one CMCA stalwart to finish his career with the club he has spent more than twenty years with. This seems to be unfortunate news for the competition as one of the association�s most respected bowlers is relocating to a different city to focus on his financial and personal interests. With the way he is going, despite his age, there would be no reason to suggest that he needed to retire on form as he is bowling as well as ever.

To add to his season, his side is the undoubted favourite at this stage to take the premiership in the top grade. What better way to finish off a stellar career by winning the premiership and retiring on the greatest high possible? All other players in the competition would only dream of a finish like that.

NO PLAY (January 2002)

Due to prior engagements made by committee members, there was a lack of availability by those of the club to attend a recent CMCA delegates meeting. However one person was available, and it was the President of the club. This person wouldn�t have attended a committee meeting for more than a decade you would assume, so you would understand that the man was at pains to agree to the SOS. Nonetheless he declared himself available for the meeting, as he had the time due to his family being on holiday for the week, so there was little excuse.

As he arrived to the St. Kilda Social Club in Linton Street just before 7pm, he was surprised to see so few cars parked outside the venue. He walked inside the building and climbed the stairs to the Trevor Barker Room, as he was instructed. The room was empty. He made an assumption that maybe the meeting was up the next level in the Halo Room, so he went up the next flight of stairs, but alas, the room was empty also. He ventured back down, had a moment to reflect and went up again just to make sure he had gone to the correct rooms. Correct rooms, both empty. He went down the stairs again, and contacted both the Secretary and Assistant Secretary to find out if there was any information that he had missed out on. It was only then that it was discovered that the Secretary had got his dates mixed up, and as a result the President had gone out of his way for nothing.

The President was very unhappy with the misinformation and following plenty of abuse on the phone at the time, he has not forgiven the Secretary as yet. However to this day, it has provided plenty of laughs in the rooms.

UNEXPECTED DISMISSAL (January 2002)

A problem has occurred over the past week or so, where a mouse has found its way into the back room and got stuck into a couple of consumable items. This has horrified some club members as their beloved �Light & Tangy� Chips have been tampered with by vermin. The hysteria reached its peak after a recent committee meeting in the rooms on a Tuesday night when four members were locking up the rooms. The mouse ran out of the back room and to the bar where the club Vice-President was standing. Once he was informed about the presence of the intruder, the big man who has the ability to make people weak at the knees turned as white as a ghost. In fact all of the four freaked out and were looking around their ankles for the little rodent.

Suddenly the mouse escaped into the sun room, where the four club members chased him into a corner behind a table resting against a wall on its side. From here the fantastic four decided to light mini bonfires at each side of the potential mouse exits in order to trap the intruder. Admittedly, this method of vermin extermination is unconventional, however at the time it seemed necessary. Then the table was kicked right up into the wall in order to crush the little pest. After fifteen minutes of crushing the table into the wall, in hope of killing the mouse, it was decided that it was time to remove the table and see the results.

After deliberating who was prepared to move the table for about five minutes, it was finally moved. There lay the creature, thought to be dead as it lay still. With a cricket bat hovering above the mouse�s head by the Vice-President, and cricket balls in hand by the other members of the four, they were ready to confirm what they already thought... that the mouse was dead. As the bat was about to hit the ground the mouse suddenly awoke from its sleep and bolted across the room. Avoiding flying cricket bats and cricket balls, the mouse escaped under the outside door, and into the parklands of King George VI Reserve. In some ways it was a victory for the fantastic four getting rid of the mouse, however peculiar the actions that were taken to do it. Despite the victory, as they finally locked up the rooms and walked to their cars, screaming abuse at the mouse that they will find him and kill him, the mouse is surely hiding in the scrubs, waiting for another opportunity to get his teeth into those �Light & Tangy� Chips.

GAME HANGING IN THE BALANCE (January 2002)

The recent public liability dispute between insurance companies and the Glen Eira Council could have been tested had things been worse after a recent mishap at the far end of the Bentleigh Secondary College oval just before Christmas. During the recent E Grade clash, a well known red headed bespectacled member of the club, otherwise known as two shoes, was forced to jump the fence to retrieve a ball that was hit to the boundary where the new housing estate was being built. The problem was that the fence was two metres high with metal spikes at the top.

As there was no other choice to get the ball other than to jump the fence (unless someone wanted to walk around the perimeter of the estate), two shoes decided to climb the tall obstacle to get the ball as quickly as possible. In the meantime, the other fieldsmen decided to take a rest on the ground yet had no idea what they were about to witness. As two shoes got to the top of the fence and jump to the other side, his ankle got caught between two of the metal spikes, therefore trapping him as he was on his way down, leaving him hanging upside down from the top of the fence!

Noticing the horrific scene of two shoes having his ankle wrenched at the top of the fence, while carrying the weight of his slightly rotund body, teammates rushed to his attention in order to get him off the fence. After trying to lift the body so that the ankle could be raised above the spikes which it was caught between, two shoes finally got over the fence completely as the frantic body thudded to the ground. After finally getting up, he hobbled to the ball, and threw it over the fence, leaving him with little option but to hobble around the perimeter of the estate to get treatment on his ankle.

After going to hospital, initial reports hinted a major fracture, however in the end it has been revealed that no bone damage occurred. Later that evening, two shoes arrived back at the club, this time with one shoe on as the injured ankle was put in a cast. With crutches under each arm, the man continued his long term reputation as someone who wanted a beer, although for once, fellow club members were under no doubt that he actually needed one.

 

[Uncle Mick]

Re: CMCA- Ommies to remain in top grade

Ah yes... Another ANA moment that left a bitter taste in my mouth. Gee, I can be a forgiving bloke, Sug!
Chelt Park v Highett West Rd.11, 2001/02.

VOLUNTARY DISMISSAL (February 2002)

Woolnough Shield has shown a huge difference in ability between the good sides and the bad sides. The results have been quite expected between the top sides and the bottom sides throughout the whole season.... except for the final round. It has been quite amazing to see that the results for week one show that a side on equal bottom has dismissed a side that is fighting for a double chance spot for 66. Later on in the day the lower placed side was dismissed for 37. This is worse than normal, but that would be expected when the higher side are fighting hard to boost its percentage in order to improve from third spot, when that is all that stands between them and second placed side.

So why didn't their batsmen back up the bowlers in trying to boost their percentage? To be all out for 66 is unbelievable. Who knows.... maybe some of the dismissals were voluntary in order to prevent a declaration that would have raised question marks? But to declare at 2/66 is much easier to stomach than a side being all out for 66, when they are clearly a strong batting line up. Maybe there have been some discussions prior to the match in order to work out the outcome to the benefit of both sides? Let's remember that the lower side has to maintain percentage in order to avoid potential relegation so things may be working in favour of both sides. Let's see what happens in week two before we confirm our thoughts.

 

[The Mentalist]

Re: CMCA- Ommies to remain in top grade

Clockman,

My god, what have you done.
My whole life flashed before me on a computer screen, ahh memories, you can't beat them can you.
A great insight into Sugar's early work, he was always destined for the media in some form or another, some early indications were observed during a brief flirtatious affair with graves and their contents.
I'm a bit worried though, what is Merlot going to do with all that info, no one will be safe from the elixor of Merlot.
Clockman, you seem a seasoned campaigner, i think there was even some relevance in a couple of those early stories with regards to your good self and your club.
Time for late afternoon Horlicks.

 

[Merlot a good drop]

Re: CMCA- Ommies to remain in top grade

Well where does old Merlot start after the long flight to either New Delhi or Old Delhi I am not sure I am a bit jet lagged after so many stops and airports I am just grateful that the trusty HP laptop has been able to log me into the Big cricket site.

I hope to fix the Global financial mess while I am here and Uncle Mick which as we seem to have formed a mutual admiration society ( but don't tell anyone ) I thought I would enquire if there are any spare IPL contracts for a sharp leftie who moves it considerably away to the slips.Do you have a reserve price or do you want to just leave it up to old Merlot?

B........ ( I can't use your full name for fear of another PM and it may not be you anyway ) great to see you let your bat do the talking and great to see you got another ton but being the team man that I know you are ,to lose in such a close game would have been very disappointing.

Adam a bit disappointing to see our Dees apparently robbed against the reigning premiers in Tasy but there are promising signs.Young Watts may have made the 3 point difference.Adam any results of the Jansz and Vorbach medals as my visit to the ANA website showed nothing but maybe it was a long night at King George?

Clocker who Archie seems to know just like everyone seems to know each other on this site , produced 21 pages of wonderful memories of the best seller stumped whose name I had forgotten.I cut and pasted them and will have them with me on the trip to pass the time.I might even send a copy to Barrack just for old times sake.

One of the in flight movies featured Condeleesa where I noticed the correct spelling of her name but I never was a good speller as I actually failed plastiscene very early on,but I have kicked on since.My expertise is in my finances not words.

Jimmy have you been busy at the Bugle as your lengthy absence has been noted, but it was pleasing to fire up the laptop and see your wonderful work with the results and finals details.

Before leaving the shores of OZ I did put at an APB to see if anyone has sighted Ham & cheese and to verify that he really is under suspension.
I hope the quality of arvo tea was raised a notch after his plea last week,and Army do you still serve those delightful slab sandwiches that just require two slices of bread slapped together with an assortment of fillings and a bit like a Hungry Jacks burger you needed two hands eat them with?

 

[Merlot a good drop]

Re: CMCA- Ommies to remain in top grade

TFS,

I didn't want you to get lost in my last post and wanted to give you a special educated reply and a warning about your language as you could follow Ham & cheese into the sin bin if you are not careful.

My research and taste buds advise me that MERLOT is a wonderful red that does not sacrifice flavour,it is fruity and peppery just like a good pepper steak you could have it with.

The finish is as smooth as silk ( a bit like B's batting yesterday and Uncle Mick's bowling ) and it is a seducer into the rich and exciting world of reds.

It has come into fashion over the last decade and thrives in the cooler climate which MERLOT himself wished he was back in rather than the Old or New Delhi heat.I am still not sure which one I am in.

It doesn't have the full blown knock out effect of a normal red and allows MERLOT to linger longer with a nice cigar and swill while enjoying the flavour.

Well fellow forumsters ( if that is a word ) I must be off to look after the business of the day and to try and get a contract for Uncle Mick , and if the connection remains good to chat again with you weekend hibernation bears during the week.

Archie when I have absorbed the 21 pages I cut and pasted from Clocker's magnificent post I will respond.

Go Dees

 

[Uncle Mick]

Re: CMCA- Ommies to remain in top grade

Brilliant day for batting on the weekend. No surprises there were some big scores again. A few valiant chases in the top grade and a good response from Le Page after a pitiful first innings. Starting to look more at home in Longmuir with each year.
Disappointed the big fella must be, after getting half of his team's score which ended up being 6 runs short of a finals berth. Now that they're out, I hope he doesn't mind me mentioning the fact it was a brilliant effort by him given he's been carrying stress fractures in his right foot for over a month.
West Bentleigh have gone from a dark horse to realistic shot. The only side to have conquered "the foreign legion", all that depends is which side turns up for the next 3 weeks.

In Woolnough, Kingston arrested their form slump at the right time and against their biggest threat to date. Had they lost this game all 3 of their losses would've come against the other finals participants.
East Sandy had 2 centurions in Wooly in their big total. Would've made up a great deal of percentage, but unfortunately the outright result in Rd.1 has proven costly. Oddly enough all 3 of their centurions from the top 2 grades each made 106. The Kookas made hard work of the 180 Cluden set. Full credit to Cluden's bowlers who persisted, but unfortunately like our boys last week the catching didn't compliment the efforts of the bowlers. At 2/90 our boys were cruising before collapsing to 7/120 and then a steadying partnership got us close to the target before we lost another one with only 2 runs to get. A brilliant skipper's knock came just when the doctor ordered to carry us home.

Seems as though Union are in a bit of strife. Word is Pothitos, Bell and Cove could all be unavailable. Might make life a little easier for East Sandy in Longy & Highett West in Wooly this week.

Good luck to all involved in finals action. Looks like we could be in for a warm weekend with 38 the early forecast for Friday.

 

[Sugar]

Re: CMCA- Ommies to remain in top grade

Clocker, thanks for reliving the glory days of STUMPED. It was great fun to share some interesting talking points earlier in the decade. However, in our increasingly present litigious society, the powers that be were putting a lot of pressure to cease its operations, and has now been dead and buried for more than 5 years.

Archie, speaking of dead and buried, unlike today's generation, I thought working hard during my teenage years was to be respected? I guess things always come undone when you mix business with pleasure.

Merlot, it was a pleasant change to see the Dees remain competitive for most of the game, as well as witness 2009 DreamTeam bargain Jake Spencer in action. Unfortunately I can't say the same for ANA's Shane Valenti, who after being told he would be an emergency against the Hawks, kindly told Dean Bailey to stick his trip to Tasmania so he could play in our one day grade!

Uncle Mick, in preference to seing actions rather than words, good luck in the Woolnough finals.

 

[Jimmy Olson]

Re: CMCA- Ommies to remain in top grade

Definitely miss "Stumped". All gone quiet boys after the weekend. It's like an AFL finals series, East & Union with injury concerns (Jenkin's hammy, Bennett's ankle), (Pothitos hand - out for season?, Bell ankle, Cove), Elwood at full strength, West probably likewise. Expect a batsmans finals series.
East - evens, Union 3-1, Elwood 4-1, West 6-1
Can The Heath overcome finals bogey, Can Moorabbin Wests guns dominate, will Goro rise to the occassion, can Hiighett Wests top 6 carry their team mates.
KH - evens, MW 2-1, Union 4-1, HW 5-1

Merlot, still in India?? We need you back.

 

[Uncle Mick]

Re: CMCA- Ommies to remain in top grade

Cheeks is a guaranteed starter.

Top 6 carrying is a bit rough, Bunt.

 

[Jimmy Olson]

Re: CMCA- Ommies to remain in top grade

Cheeks is a guaranteed starter.

Top 6 carrying is a bit rough, Bunt.

You're right, only can come up with 5, Uncle Mick, The Hyphen, Little Tony, McInerney, Ridgeway. The rest are bit part players, Burton had one good day, Stewart has a few wickets but it will be up to the first 5 mentioned mate. Don't worry, you are a chance.

 

[Merlot a good drop]

Re: CMCA- Ommies to remain in top grade

Jimmy,

Despite all the euphoria of Slum Dog Millionaire's success at the Oscars I have managed to both fire up the HP laptop and avoided delli belly.It has been pandemonian as they celebrate a film that has left Bollywood for dead.

We must have the same sources as a woman on a bus ( they don't have trams ) who has a distant relation working at the Indian restaraunt that you unashamedly plug on your radio show told me that young Jenkin had twinged the hammy, something that wouldn't have happened on the well manicured greens of those subby grounds he was running around on last year.I hope it didn't happened at the Clayton's home of cricket ground.Bennett a bit tender,but Union Power looking a little brittle with the junior Golden Greek have both injury problems and an appointment with the ineffectual tribunal.Con just wear the gold cap and there woill be no problems.The injury may be a bigger problem.I hear that B........ was the receipient of the vitriol that led to the report!

Another report alledgedly was a former gold cap iron gloves now playing at the Golf course team, up on an unknown charge as the phone reception across the Indian Ocean was a little poor.

Maybe there is a spot in the ones for the original Golden Greek to be promoted and spare Uncle Mick the neck strain as those left handed sliders disappear over his head.Uncle Mick still in with a chance on the contract negiotiations but they wanted to know if your missus scrubs up as well as Mitchell Johnson's missus as that seems to be the bench mark.

Has anyone seen or heard from Ham & Cheese and I hope his one man crusade will lift the afternoon tea standard for the finals.

Brett time we heard from you as my last look at Maranatha Methodists ladder position meant that you could have March off to provide as with some more pearls of wisdom.

Archie I have been besides myself ( well I am travelling on my own ) going down 21 pages of memory lane from the stumped almanac.I am trying to prioritise some of the gems that need further mention here in this rarefied air.

 

[Merlot a good drop]

Re: CMCA- Ommies to remain in top grade

Adam,

Managed to log into the ANA website and saw that your on air partner Adam Mikkelsen finally snared a Jansz medal after his massive disappointment last year.This may fire you two up to get that top rating youtube program back on the air.

I see there was a tie in the Vorbach medal when Fitzpatrick and Gebert couldn't be separated which I am sure would have had the large crowd on the edge of their seats.I vaguely remember the Vorbach son Nigel I think who was a fine fieldsman himself.He use to coach one of the sides but I have lost track of him lately.He was also very good on Jimmy's radio show but the crystal set doesn't pick up the reception anymore.

I also note that Cedric Jansz is stepping down after 12 years as President and 23 years at the club.I recall him as a young firebrand who has mellowed over the years with the steadying influence of his wife Liz.I would not be surprised if I ran into someone who knows of him over here.As Richie Benaud would say ' A marvellous effort that ' Congratulations Cedric from old Merlot and the people of Delhi.

If Barrack and Condeleesa could send me a copy of the extreme heat policy I may be able to down tools as it has been very draining trying to solve the Global financial crisis in these temperatures but Merlot is tough enough to stand the heat in the kitchen.

I hope to be back in the land of Oz before the weekend's finals by which time Barrack and Condeleesa may have finally held a white house press conference and given the masses some information.

 

[Burger]

Re: CMCA- Ommies to remain in top grade

Definitely miss "Stumped". All gone quiet boys after the weekend. It's like an AFL finals series, East & Union with injury concerns (Jenkin's hammy, Bennett's ankle), (Pothitos hand - out for season?, Bell ankle, Cove), Elwood at full strength, West probably likewise. Expect a batsmans finals series.
East - evens, Union 3-1, Elwood 4-1, West 6-1
Can The Heath overcome finals bogey, Can Moorabbin Wests guns dominate, will Goro rise to the occassion, can Hiighett Wests top 6 carry their team mates.
KH - evens, MW 2-1, Union 4-1, HW 5-1

Merlot, still in India?? We need you back.

Hi Homer,

Can I have a wager on the above games, same prices??

It's ok I will bet in bourbon cans.. if that makes it easier Ha, Ha!!

think we are in for a good finals series, very evenly matched teams in top 2 grades...

Good luck to all playing on the weekend..

 

[brett]

Re: CMCA- Ommies to remain in top grade

Merlot.

I am here, just reading whats going on.

What would you like me to say ?

I might head to the Maldives this march i have plenty of time as you stated.

 

[Uncle Mick]

Re: CMCA- Ommies to remain in top grade

You're right, only can come up with 5, Uncle Mick, The Hyphen, Little Tony, McInerney, Ridgeway. The rest are bit part players, Burton had one good day, Stewart has a few wickets but it will be up to the first 5 mentioned mate. Don't worry, you are a chance.

I'm not at all worried, Bunter. Supremely confident. I just think you're selling Burton & Stewart a bit short. Burton's been out injured since Xmas and had to come back with a game in E grade. Stewart is a tidy part-timer that has the uncanny knack of taking a wicket when required.

Maybe there is a spot in the ones for the original Golden Greek to be promoted and spare Uncle Mick the neck strain as those left handed sliders disappear over his head.Uncle Mick still in with a chance on the contract negiotiations but they wanted to know if your missus scrubs up as well as Mitchell Johnson's missus as that seems to be the bench mark.

Merlot, whilst we all appreciate how refreshing your input has been, that'll be the last time an unknown makes reference to my missus thanks.