MAKE IT FUNNY 2

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Grier said:
I remember many a self deprecating Irish joke told by the Irish themselves. Water off a duck's after 9 centuries of subjugation by the English, and those damn Vikings too in Dublin before Alfred burnt his cakes. Silly man.
Dave Allen was a brilliant spinner of yarns.

Here's one to balance the ledger:

Back in the fifties a wealthy English man set out to tour Ireland in his brand new open top Red Jaguar Motor Car.
View attachment 1712
Typical of those days the roads were rough and narrow dwarfed by thick hedges on either side. Road signs were infrequent and in Gaelic and hard to read making the stylish driver feeling lost and frustrated.
Eventually the English gentleman with his goggles, driving gloves, a scarf and his stylish Drivers flat cap pulled into a small hamlet.
It looked very quiet with just one old man sitting on a barrel smoking his pipe.

View attachment 1713

Pulling up next to the old fellow the Englishman called out " Hey you, I say old man, tell me, is this the quickest way to get to Donegal?"

The wizened old Irishman pushed himself to his feet with his cane and said " Now would ye be driving or walking Sir?"

"Driving of course you old fool!" spat the English toff.

"Well Sir" said the old fellow turning to go back indoors "I totally agree, Driving would surely be quicker than Walking!"
Click to expand...
Good one Terry! 😆
 
Grier said:
I remember many a self deprecating Irish joke told by the Irish themselves. Water off a duck's after 9 centuries of subjugation by the English, and those damn Vikings too in Dublin before Alfred burnt his cakes. Silly man.
Dave Allen was a brilliant spinner of yarns.

Here's one to balance the ledger:

Back in the fifties a wealthy English man set out to tour Ireland in his brand new open top Red Jaguar Motor Car.
View attachment 1712
Typical of those days the roads were rough and narrow dwarfed by thick hedges on either side. Road signs were infrequent and in Gaelic and hard to read making the stylish driver feeling lost and frustrated.
Eventually the English gentleman with his goggles, driving gloves, a scarf and his stylish Drivers flat cap pulled into a small hamlet.
It looked very quiet with just one old man sitting on a barrel smoking his pipe.

View attachment 1713

Pulling up next to the old fellow the Englishman called out " Hey you, I say old man, tell me, is this the quickest way to get to Donegal?"

The wizened old Irishman pushed himself to his feet with his cane and said " Now would ye be driving or walking Sir?"

"Driving of course you old fool!" spat the English toff.

"Well Sir" said the old fellow turning to go back indoors "I totally agree, Driving would surely be quicker than Walking!"
Click to expand...
More of these Terry. You have not posted one for a while Jess. Thomas if you can reply, you too can post something, perhaps a traditional German joke.
 
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This mini Trump is also brilliant. He is like a petulant child in real life.🤪
 
Grier said:
I remember many a self deprecating Irish joke told by the Irish themselves. Water off a duck's after 9 centuries of subjugation by the English, and those damn Vikings too in Dublin before Alfred burnt his cakes. Silly man.
Dave Allen was a brilliant spinner of yarns.

Here's one to balance the ledger:

Back in the fifties a wealthy English man set out to tour Ireland in his brand new open top Red Jaguar Motor Car.
View attachment 1712
Typical of those days the roads were rough and narrow dwarfed by thick hedges on either side. Road signs were infrequent and in Gaelic and hard to read making the stylish driver feeling lost and frustrated.
Eventually the English gentleman with his goggles, driving gloves, a scarf and his stylish Drivers flat cap pulled into a small hamlet.
It looked very quiet with just one old man sitting on a barrel smoking his pipe.

View attachment 1713

Pulling up next to the old fellow the Englishman called out " Hey you, I say old man, tell me, is this the quickest way to get to Donegal?"

The wizened old Irishman pushed himself to his feet with his cane and said " Now would ye be driving or walking Sir?"

"Driving of course you old fool!" spat the English toff.

"Well Sir" said the old fellow turning to go back indoors "I totally agree, Driving would surely be quicker than Walking!"
Click to expand...
I thought the English have got manners. ;)
 
OK, then. What the Irish are to the English, the East Frisians, a tribe living at the North Sea, are to the rest of Germany.
Why do East Frisians have flat heads? – Because when they have a drink of water, the loo seat always falls on their head!

A German tourist walks into a McDonalds in New York, and orders a beer. The guy in the line behind him immediately tells him: "They don't serve BEER here, you moron!", to which the German replied in astonishment, "You mean you're here for the food?"

(Only Germans will understand this one)
An American, a German and a Tyroler….
An American, a German and someone from Tyrol (in Austria) are sitting in a ski hut. When the American finishes his glass of Budweiser, he throws it in the air, takes out his revolver and shoots the glass into a thousand pieces before saying, ‘we have so much money in America, we don’t drink from the same glass twice’.

The German orders his glass of Warsteiner, drinks it, throws it in the air, steals the American’s revolver and shoots the glass into a thousand pieces. ‘In Germany’, he says, ‘we have so much money we also don’t need to drink from the same glass twice’.

Not wanting to be left out, the local Tyroler drinks his Gösser, steals the American’s gun, shoots the German and says, ‘In Tyrol, we have so many Germans, we don’t have to drink with the same one twice’.

(The Tyrol region in western Austria is an extremely popular holiday destination for Germans for its skiing and hiking season. There is no real industry in the area aside from tourism.)
 
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